Stuff Your Eyes With Wonder

New Review for TWMD

2012-01-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

A beautifully written and insightful review of The War Master's Daughter has just been posted over at The Action Prose, a great in-your-face writing and life blog by @RanceDenton.

"To suggest that Elly Zupko’s The War Master’s Daughter is merely a historical fiction novel would be to ignore a great number of its evident strengths. Simultaneously, pigeonholing the novel into any specific genre would be to discredit its willingness to step outside its comfort zones. The greater part of The War Master’s Daughter is confused about what genre it may actually be, but that doesn’t draw away from the novel’s overall quality. Zupko’s book is a fantastic independent offering the intense strengths of which outweigh the few moments where its footing occasionally wavers.
..."[read more]

It's the End of the World As Wayne Knows It

2012-01-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

Since I've done almost nothing but rant and argue and complain for the past eight posts, here's something on the lighter side.

My friends and I--team Liquid Squid--participated in the 48-Hour Film Project last year. I encourage you to check out the organization and read about the details of the contest. It basically boils down to:

Friday = beer and pizza fueled screenplay writing, constrained by contest-wide parameters including a specific character, prop, line of dialogue, and genre
Saturday = coffee and doughnut fueled acting and filming, constrained by location, available equipment, and daylight
Sunday = adrenaline fueled editing, constrained by flagging energy and a looming deadline

The result is a short film that may or may not be coherent. But damn did we have fun--and we won "Best Use of Prop"! This was our entry, It's the End of the World As Wayne Knows It.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (8 of 8)

2012-01-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

In November, Edan Lepucki posted an article on The Millions called "Reasons Not to Self Publish in 2011-2012: A List." I disagree and would like to offer my own point-by-point rebuttal. This is the final post in that series.

Edan: “I’m Busy. Writing.”

Elly: “A Successful Writer Does More Than Write.”

Lepucki’s final argument falls so flat that it completely exposes her as a writer who herself has found little success. Here she laments how busy she is, and how she only has six hours a day to devote to her “new” novel (apparently she gave up on the “old” novel). Therefore, she is—I think she’s saying—too busy to self-publish. Well, I can’t argue that if you don’t have a novel to publish, you can’t publish a novel. You have to get busy writing before you can get busy with everything else that publishing entails. But that just can’t be what she’s saying. She wouldn’t have written an article anti self-publishing if she wasn’t considering publishing something, right? It’s more like, “I’m not publishing this first novel I wrote, because I want to write another one first.”

Wait, that can’t be right either. I mean, we all like to write. We all prefer crafting characters or metaphors or nuanced arguments to hammering out (ugh) query letters. But I’m pretty darn sure that nearly all of us write with the ultimate goal of having other people read our writing, and not to stick that writing in a drawer. I don’t think she’s planning to write tome after tome just to lock them away, unread, Salinger-style.

So if her argument is that she’s too busy writing to independently publish her drawered work, then she is simultaneously making the argument that she is too busy to get someone else to publish that work. Any writer who has at least attempted traditional publication knows there is serious legwork involved in the process. If you’re “too busy writing,” you’re too busy to: send out query letters, secure an agent, work with agent to edit your work, work with agent-found editor to further edit your work, write jacket copy (a lot of writers have to do that now, even at trad pubbing houses), schedule your book tour, do your book tour, write marketing pieces, start a blog, do blog posts, do guest blog posts, and on and on.

The traditional publishing does not mean your job as an author is only to write. Everyone knows that the better you get at a job you love the less you actually get to do of the stuff you love. If you write well enough to be published, you transcend being “busy writing.” You are no longer only writer. You are promoter, marketer, public speaker, blogger, internet personality, etc. etc. Unless, again, your goal is not to have anyone read your work, you’d better find the time to write and the time to do everything associated with being a published author.

We may all dream of the day when our lives consist solely of channeling the muses and allowing our perfect and aesthetically transcendental words flow from our fingertips like the tears of a small child hugging his puppy goodbye. But the reality is that being a writer is a job, like any other job, and with all jobs comes the crap we don’t like to do. If you’re too busy to do the crap, you’ll soon find yourself little reason to bother with the good stuff.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (7 of 8)

2012-01-02T12:22:00.000-08:00

In November, Edan Lepucki posted an article on The Millions called "Reasons Not to Self Publish in 2011-2012: A List." I disagree and would like, over the next several blog postings, to offer my own point-by-point rebuttal.

Edan: “Is it Best for Readers?”

Elly: “Let the Readers Decide.”

The essence of Lepucki’s argument here is that the self-publishing revolution is creating a “slush pile” that is publicly available. To parse it out, what I think she’s trying to say is that there is a lot of crap being self-published, and she doesn’t want to be lumped in with said crap. I think. She uses the example of her brother-in-law learning that she hadn’t sold her book, and warning her against self-publishing because it could only lead to the book being ignored in favor of something someone’s friend posted about on Facebook. I think.

I’m not sure I get the point here. Given a book of the exact same quality—i.e., the same exact book—the b-i-l wouldn’t buy it if it were self-published. But he would if he read about it on The Millions or heard about it on NPR. Huh? Sounds like a man who can’t make his own decisions about what he likes. Is this a person you really take advice from? Is this a person whose advice you really pass on to your reading public?

I’m beginning to feel like a bit of a broken record here, but seriously: I’m all about letting readers make their own decisions rather than letting their world be curated by a small, elite group of media who have other interests at stake than creating a culture of superb, enduring literature. To repeat myself, this is why I offer the first 15% of my book, The War Master’s Daughter, for free. If people are captivated by the story, they can purchase the rest. If they don’t like it, they become one of the statistics on my dashboard that shows me how many people have downloaded the sample but chosen to spend their money and time elsewhere.

Let the readers decide what they consider to be crap. I think Stephenie Meyer is crap. I think most of the books sold in grocery stores are probably crap. But that doesn’t mean my view of the entire publishing industry is colored to believe it’s all crap. Perhaps the degree of crappiness in self-publishing is higher, but I think the concomitant intellectual offensiveness tied to said crappiness is higher in traditional publishing. Lepucki trusts the curation of the same folks who put out The Time Traveler’s Wife, which sold millions of copies. Millions. That book seriously stunk it up, and I am offended that people even recommended it to me. But it's not going to stop me from buying another traditionally published book. That would be a comically poor foundation on which to base my choices.

Encourage your readers to judge a book on its merits, not on its company. And don’t tell your readers what is “best” for them.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (6 of 8)

2011-12-30T15:41:00.000-08:00

Last month, Edan Lepucki posted an article on The Millions called "Reasons Not to Self Publish in 2011-2012: A List." I disagree and would like, over the next several blog postings, to offer my own point-by-point rebuttal.

Edan: “The E-Reading Conundrum; or, I don’t want to be Amazon’s Bitch”

Elly: “Smashwords.”

It’s almost so easy to refute this argument that it’s difficult. In this section, Edan talks about how independently published e-books are only available through Amazon. This is wrong. I sell my e-book through three venues—including Amazon, BN.com, and my own website, through which I have sold copies and have reaped 100% royalties—and a distributor (Smashwords), which, at no cost and actually a very high value for all the advice freely offered, converted my e-book to half a dozen different e-book formats at literally the push of a button. Smashwords pushes to Barnes & Noble, the Sony e-reader, the iPad, and more. And they take less of a bite than Amazon. They’re pretty much awesome, and if you don’t know about them, 1) you haven’t done your research, and 2) you’re really, really missing out.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (5 of 8)

2011-12-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

Edan: “I Value the Publishing Community”
Elly: “I Am an Artist, Not a Jobs Plan”

Here, Lepucki discusses all the value that the “publishing community” (agents, editors, publicists, proofreaders, etc.) bring to a book. She presents an interesting POV from author Peter Straub, who says in part that “[if the author doesn’t have his work edited] what is being said about the status or role of selflessness before the final form of the fiction as accepted by the audience, I mean the willingness of the author to submerge his ego to produce the novel that is truest to itself?”

I admit don’t have a really strong, acerbic argument against this. I don’t think Lepucki is wrong, nor Straub. It’s just not how I feel about it. I love to write, but I also love to edit, and to do layouts. I have writerly friends, whose opinions I trust with my whole heart and mind, who help me bring my writing up to the next level. I don’t pay them. They’re in it for the love of reading and writing. I use the tools I have at my disposal to have the ultimate say in how my book reads, looks, and feels. I don’t want to let go of it, pass it off at any point where I will lose control over the final product to someone who does not in fact have in mind the “true self of the novel” (whatever that means), but rather has in mind what will sell the most copies to the most people.

To me, writing is, at its essence, a solitary activity. It demands a disciplined, independent spirit. Painters don’t have “editors” or “proofreaders” who come in at the last minute and fix all the little “mistakes.” It’s a control thing; it’s an integrity thing. Perhaps, yes, it’s an ego thing. But I wrote the book. It didn’t write itself. Talk like that is a little foo-foo for me. And really, is manufacturing perfection by putting something through a series of hands really staying “true” to the novel?

Some writers do not have publishing skills beyond being an awesome writer. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I do have other skills, and I also like to have control over my work. I choose to be independent of the “community” because I can be. I’m not in this to have a little skimmed off the top for the agent, then for the editor, and for a proofreader, a graphic designer, a publicist, etc. etc. I did the work. I want to be in control and I want to reap the rewards of—and take the knocks for—owing everything to myself.

Why I’m Not Giving You a Copy of My Book For Christmas

2011-12-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

Selling is hard. It takes a very special breed of person to sell things for a living, and I am not that breed. I suppose there is a bit in my mutt blood somewhere—I work in Business Development, which is a fancy way of saying I sell my company’s services on behalf of the company. But when selling my own wares, I find the whole enterprise kind of skeevy.

When I sell for my company, 1. I sell in writing, and 2. I sell them, the company. For me, it’s much easier to sell something or someone else. I can brag about them on their behalf—and believe it, too. I can do this, and I’m good at it, because it doesn’t make me feel: (check one or more below)

Egotistical
Self-serving
Self-involved
Boorish
Tasteless
Clueless
Impolite
Embarrassed/shy

Those are things I feel when I try to tell someone about my book face-to-face. Those are things I feel when someone hands me $15 cold hard cash for a copy of my book. It’s an overwhelming sense of “Oh God I hope they are buying this because they want to read it and not just to make me feel good.” I don’t want people to give me money to make me feel good. I want them to exchange money for the joy of reading—it’s a transaction, not a favor. I want to know that they at least anticipate the joy of that reading (even if it is a glimmer of voyeurism at reading the inner thoughts of someone they know personally or professionally).

And so, the inverse of this is true. Just as I don’t want people to force the book on themselves because of a feeling of compulsory politeness, I neither want to do the forcing. As I’ve stated before on this blog, I am very aware of the reality that not everyone likes to read, not everyone who likes to read likes novels, and not everyone who likes novels will like THIS novel. Just because you like me doesn’t mean you will like my writing, and THAT’S OKAY. I am not so egotistical or desperate that I think every single person in the world needs to read my book. That would be silly. I don’t call myself a “soon to be best-selling author” as some in my circles do.

I want to find my audience and I want them to find me. I want this process to be organic. I want people to hear about the book, read the free samples, and get so sucked in that they can’t not buy the rest of the book. I want to build trust in my audience that I’ll deliver on the promise made in the premise I am not selling anything other than a great story and all that comes with that. . I want people to review the book and not my sparkling personality.

Sure, there’s a part of me in the book. Maybe all of me. But whether someone buys the book, owns the book, reads the book, or not—that is not a reflection on me as a person. It is a reflection that they are not my audience, and that is okay.

So if you want my book, you have to buy it or borrow it or ask for it for your birthday. If you want it, you and I will find a way to make that happen. But it won’t be in any Christmas packages from me this holiday season. Not only is it probably the most self-serving and impersonal gift I could imagine (“you’ll like it because I wrote it!”), I want my readers to want to read the book more than I want them to own it.

“Thus ends the ringing endorsement of my own modesty,” she said humbly.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (4 of 8)

2011-12-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

Edan: "Self-Publishing is Better for the Already-Published"
Elly: "Publishing is Better for the Already-Published"

In this point, Lepucki makes an argument converse to many I’ve seen — the argument being that a successful indie pubbed book can attract agents and trad pubbers. Lepucki says the opposite: self-pubbing is better for those already published traditionally. I really think the short of it is that sophomores are more successful than freshmen, period. Lepucki says “It’s much harder to create a readership out of nothing.” Yes, it is. But I reiterate my earlier points that whether you go trad or indie, much of the onus of marketing goes to the author. The sweat of the author—in making the book great, then selling the book greatly—is what determines success. The second book will ALWAYS be a tiny bit easier.

What bugs me most about this section, however, is Lepucki’s comment, “I don’t need an intermediary to tell me about these writers because their previously published books speak for them.” She is going back to the argument that she trusts publishers to tell her what’s good. That is trust I just can’t get behind. Besides, I think if you’re a writer worth your salt—or, for that matter, a reader worth your salt—you should be able to sniff out a good book just by reading the first paragraph. With so many traditional AND independent publishers putting out free samples of their work (such as “Look Inside the Book” on Amazon, or a free 15% on Smashwords), you should be independent enough to make your own judgments. Or at the very least, ask a trusted friend what to read next. Please just stop feeding the machine.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (3 of 8)

2011-12-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

Edan: "I’d Prefer a Small Press to a Vanity Press"
Elly: "People still say 'Vanity Press'?"

I think the author’s point in this section is that “small presses are great.” I’m not sure what that has to do with a not self-publishing. I agree: small presses ARE great. But they have their own struggles, especially with lack of resources and a mismatch between income and output. I used to work for a small press, and it’s been hanging by a thread for as long as I can remember. Even in Lepucki’s own example, her beloved small press had to shut its doors.

Like internet start-ups, most small presses do not succeed. That’s the dirty little secret. Traditional publishing is expensive and it’s an insider’s game. When handled by a small press, books have about the same chance of success as with strong, informed independent publishing. A small press might be run by one or two people handling a dozen or so new books, and a back catalog of a couple dozen more. These are strapped, frazzled people. Well-intentioned, but overworked. Often, the onus is on the author to drive marketing and publicity on her own. The small press does what it can: secures some reviews in the trades, puts some branding on materials, networks, leverages the back catalog. But the difference between a small press experience and a good independent publishing experience is surprisingly negligible. The major difference, of course, is the bite of profits the author loses to the publisher.

Getting a book into print is only the first step. Lepucki recounts a great stroke of luck with her novella, but I hope she isn’t naïve enough to believe that will happen every time. I hope she also realizes that is the kind of traction you can create for yourself if your product is excellent.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (2 of 8)

2011-12-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

Edan: "I Write Literary Fiction"
Elly: "The Segregation of Literary Fiction is False Logic"

In this point, the author laments that only genre fiction can find success in self-publishing and that “literary fiction” has no home there. She says the landscape for literary fiction in indie publishing won’t change until Jeffrey Eugenides and Alice Munro use CreateSpace.

Yeah, if your bar is Eugenides-like success, you’re probably going to fall short, no matter what sort of publishing path you choose. Firstly, literary fiction is a hard sell no matter what. Most agents and most trad pubbers are looking for genre fiction. In large part, only very small, very boutique houses or university presses are going to publish debut literary fiction. At the bigger houses who delve into lit fic, they either want the big name with street cred, or the ready-made movie book (or both). Literary fiction writers have the deck stacked against them no matter what, because that’s not what the general reading public buys.

Secondly, as even the author herself points out, literary fiction is as much a niche or a “genre” as, say, hard science fiction. Each has their own specific audience, with limited opportunity for cross-over and cross-selling unless the book meets certain mainstream expectations regarding plot, character, tone, etc. Separating literary fiction out is not only snobbish, it’s false logic. Both self-published and trad-published author will fail if they do not identify their audience and market to it accordingly.

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (1 of 8)

2011-12-17T11:46:00.001-08:00

Edan: "I Guess I’m Not a Hater"
Elly: "I Guess I am?"

In this point, the author states that the argument that traditional publishing is dying is moot because trad pubbers are making more money than ever. She says they consistently put out great books and she wants that stamp of approval on her own book. “I trust publishers,” she says.

Saying you trust publishers to tell you what’s good for you in literature is like trusting a doctor to give you a prescription for a pill that has him rolling in kick-backs. They don’t have your best interest in mind; they have theirs in mind. They are a business. They do not put out the best books; they put out the books that sell the most. Most of the time, these do not overlap.

Nobody’s saying that traditional publishers don’t know what they’re doing. But the model is set up to favor incumbents. Large advances—or any advances at all, really—are a gamble unless spent on a known commodity. Times are tenuous for the big guys, so they’re going to continue to put out what they are fairly sure will make money. They also have the power behind them to be tastemakers. Books that become inexplicably wildly popular (read: Twilight) do not do so solely on their inherent merits. They are calculated business ventures. See, “Recursive Self-Homogenization.”

Trad pubbing doesn’t favor the fresh or the rebellious. The whopping, weird 1Q84 would never have come out in the U.S. if Haruki Murakami wasn’t already a known commodity. Guess what: I’m not, and likely you aren’t. Trad pubbing is for folks who can have their name bigger than the title on the cover, and the occasional one-off they can squeeze in using profits from the former.

A New Look and a New Outlook

2011-12-08T13:42:00.001-08:00

It's been a truly crazy couple of weeks. I know my friends and family miss me. I know I need to wash the kitchen floor and repaint my toenails. I could stand to go back to the gym, oh, every day for three hours for the next month. Unfortunately, the phrase "worked my ass off" has only been a metaphor.

My nose may be a bit scraped up from the grindstone, but I was able to get The War Master's Daughter out almost on schedule. The site has been redesigned with a new look, and I think it's rather pretty and inviting (despite the gothicky pull quotes). Check it out, if you have the chance.

You'll also notice that the book itself is now available for pre-order. I did not anticipate that things on Amazon's end would take as much time as they are taking, so the paperback won't be available till closer to Christmas. But the eBook will be out on December 13, and anyone who pre-orders the paperback will get a free eBook so you can get a head start on reading.

So the site's new, and I'm feeling somehow new too. I've received five pre-orders already, so it really feels like I'm running a business. Of course it's a terrible business in which I'm knee-deep in red, but I don't care about that. I'm not in this to make money. I never was.

I'm also feeling an enormous sense of ... oh, I'm not sure how to put it. I guess I feel indebted, to my readers. I owe you for your support, and I only hope I can deliver the experience you are seeking for your $14.95 + $1 handling fee. I feel absolutely humbled. I blushed when I saw my first order come in. It was a scary, wonderful thing. I can hardly wait to see what the future holds.

I turn 30 on Sunday. I feel like this is right where I should be.

Read an Excerpt from TWMD

2011-12-01T10:38:00.001-08:00

A new excerpt from my novel, The War Master's Daughter, is available on Scribd. It's taken directly from the proof for the final novel. So here are your action items:

1) Read the excerpt - the prologue and first chapter are available: http://www.scribd.com/doc/71588968/The-War-Master-s-Daughter-promotional-excerpt

2) If you like the excerpt, share the link with your network on Twitter, Facebook, or your blog. Then become a fan on Facebook so you can hear right away when the book is available (Dec 11 is the target release date). http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-War-Masters-Daughter/222034247862708

3) When the book is released, get yourself a copy - paperbacks and eBooks for various devices will be available. Those ordering the paperback directly from me will get a signed copy and some extra goodies.

4) Pour yourself a hot cocoa and cozy up with the book. Trust me, it's perfect wintertime reading, by the fireplace, with the furry animal of your choice (cat, dog, husband...) curled up at your side.

5) If you like it, please tell 3 friends about it. I don't necessarily mean post about it on the internet (you can do that too); but really tell some people. People have so much content coming at them all the time, it's the eye-to-eye recommendation over a cuppa that really motivates people to action.

As an independent publisher, I'm on my own in a cold, dark landscape. I want you to buy my book, but I don't expect you to if it's not your thing. I understand that. There is too much to read. Over 300,000 new books were published LAST YEAR. And I'm sure you still want to go back and re-read Catcher in the Rye. Again.

But try the excerpt. You might like it. You could hate it. It could also open up a new world to you that you never considered. But at least you'll know. Then your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to help others find out if they like it.

Psst...

2011-11-04T13:24:00.001-07:00

Q&A

2011-11-04T09:38:00.001-07:00

Happy NaNoWriMo, everyone! To celebrate the beginning of this glorious month and to circumvent the standard "I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long" blog-apology, a Q&A:

Q: Elly, why no updates in so long??

A: The autumn is quite a very busy time at my day job, which happens to be a mentally taxing one, full of much reading, writing, and editing. It's a tough thing to read, write, and edit all day, then come home and do same but in an entirely different mode. I've been zapped, and progress on the book stalled.

Q: Oh no!

A: I know, right?

But that's not all. I came to the realization that I had really deluded myself that time spent marketing--including blogging, tweeting, networking, reading about marketing . . . --was time well spent. It wasn't. It was merely a new mode of procrastination that allowed me to feel productive, but was actually keeping me from finishing the book. You can't market something that doesn't exist. When I did have time and energy to work on the book, I was self-stalling by doing things decidedly not work on the book.

Writing about writing is now low priority; writing is the priority.

Q: Totally understand that, though I do miss your wisdom and guidance. What's the status of the book now?

A: End of October, I completed a very large project at work and got a much needed vacation, which has been fully dedicated to finishing my substantive edits.

Q: So are you still on schedule?

A: My original schedule was to release the book in December, to coincide with my 30th birthday. The major delays originally threw that schedule out the window. However, I've realized that if I skip unnecessary steps like the Kickstarter campaign, trying to get advance reviews/blurbs, and picking a place to have a book release party, I can still get the book out in December.

I decided that Kickstarter may, at this point, be too crowded to be successful for me. I've chosen to bite the bullet and self-fund the publishing, while cutting upfront costs as much as possible. I've also decided that advance reviews and blurbs are an unnecessary step that would very probably put me back in the same self-doubting mental space as searching for an agent did. Regarding the party, yeah, that'd be awesome. But it can wait.

I need no more self-defeating, time-eating endeavors. Getting the book out is most important, even if it is a "soft" release.

Q: So, December?? Really?

A: Yup. It's on, baby.

And guess what else: the cover, title, and an excerpt will be released today.

The Pumple Cake Experiment

2011-09-11T08:26:00.001-07:00

My friends had a party this weekend. Not just any party, but a grand bacchanalia of food. It was the annual "This is Why You're Fat" party, a celebration of all things, buttered, battered, deep-fried, married with bacon.

This was my first year attending, and being the competitive person I am, I wanted to make a play for one of the prizes: "Best Meat Treat" or "Best Sweet Treat." This led me to the Pumple Cake (or "pake"). I can't take credit for inventing it, but I will take credit for my own unique spin on the recipe and the hours of difficult, risky work that went into baking it. My Pumple Cake was:

An apple pie inside a spice cake

A pumpkin pie inside an apple caramel cake

A middle layer of coconut-pecan frosting with candied bacon

All covered in cream cheese frosting

Every step of the way was a chance for disaster. Thankfully everything came together (albeit a little lopsided), and the results were decadent and delicious. I took home second place "Sweet Treat." The prize was a gallon of Mrs. Butterworth.

With its wonderful combination of spicy autumn flavors, and its consummate over-the-topness, this dish would be perfect for Thanksgiving--if you can find the 5.5 hours of oven time it takes.

Here's the process:

Since the Pumple is labor intensive by itself--as well as a huge gamble--I went for pre-made ingredients. The pies were Marie Calendar frozen pies. The cakes were Duncan Hines Spice Cake and Apple Caramel Cake. I doctored the cake mixes by adding half a box of instant butterscotch pudding mix to each, and subbing in buttermilk for the water.

I used Betty Crocker coconut-pecan frosting and Pillsbury cream cheese frosting. Neither of these was very good. They had that chemical-y, preservative-y, crappy bake sale taste. I think the single thing I could have done to make the Pumple even better would have been to make the cream cheese icing from scratch. Next time...

Rounding out the ingredient list were the maple bacon, brown sugar, and bourbon for the candied bacon middle layer. Sure, this was indulgent and unnecessary, incongruous even, but for "TIWYF," bacon is almost a prerequisite.

I baked the pies the night before, so that they would have a chance to cool completely overnight for easier de-tinning. The pies each took about an hour and the aroma in our apartment just about made me insane.

The next morning, I jumped in with making the cakes. Mixing the first cake batter proved to be the easiest part of a long, hard road.

I'm not much of a baker, so I had to buy a new cake pan just for this project. My friend recommended Calaphon, and I sprung for the springform. I figured, the less I had to handle the cakes, the better. I think the pan made the process a lot less complicated than it could have been.

After buttering and flouring the cake pan, the next step is to put a layer of batter on the bottom of the pan. With the addition of the pudding mix, the spice cake batter was really thick, so it more like putty than batter. It was a good foundation for the very heavy apple pie.

The Marie Callender apple pie was almost too big to fit in the cake pan. Getting it into the pan was really tricky and seriously got my adrenaline pumping. But with a quick, brave flip, it splatted into the pan and fit with a sliver to spare. The other half of the batter gets spread over the top and sides of the pie.

Baking the "pake" was another big challenge. The box cake mix said it would take about 35 minutes. But 35 minutes in, it was clear this cake was not going to be done anytime soon. An hour in, the edges were getting awfully dark and I was afraid they would burn, but the middle was still gooey. I know others have ruined their pakes with overbaking. But I did some quick research and discovered the trick: I covered the top of the cake with foil, lowered the temp to 300, then let it bake away until it was done. It took almost 2 hours, but it didn't burn.

The springform pan allowed for easy removal. I don't think I could have gotten the cake out any other way. It weighed about 5 pounds, and I was worried the weight of the pie would make it fall through the bottom. But thankfully I could remove the outer ring and slide it onto the cooling rack. In the picture below, you can see the pie crust peeking out through the side of the cake.

While the apple pake was cooling in the fridge, I moved onto the pumpkin. The pie was smaller, lighter, and more structurally sound, so it was far easier over all.

After the pumpkin pake was done and cooling, I moved onto candying the bacon for the middle. I par-fried the bacon, then put it on a parchment-covered baking pan. I mixed a teaspoon of maple flavoring with a couple tablespoons of bourbon, and sprinkled it on each piece. Then I covered each piece with brown sugar. I baked then in a 400-degree oven for 10 minutes a side. they got a little dark, so I'd probably bring it down to 8 minutes a side next time.

This stuff was GOOD. I highly recommend it, pumple or not.

Between the layers, we spread the coconut-pecan frosting and added the bacon bits. I had been leery of the bacon and went back and forth and adding it. But in the end, I'm glad I did. The smokey sweet flavor was a perfect counter-note to the sweetness, spice, and caramel in the rest of the dessert.

Getting the pumpkin layer onto the apple layer was another anxiety-inducing moment.

We frosted the outside of the cake with cream cheese frosting, then decorated the top with a dollop of coconut-pecan frosting, candy pumpkins, a sliced gala apple, and a square of candied bacon.

I added it up: The final Pumple Cake has over 13,000 calories. And every bite was worth it.

Recursive Self-Homogenization

2011-07-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

I frankly don’t know who Shawn Coyne is, other than he’s pissed me off. I hope he isn’t terribly powerful with connections that could forever keep me unsuccessful. (I have a feeling I can take care of that myself, thankyouverymuch.) But I think he’s doing a disservice to literature and I need to say something about it.

I came across an old interview with him where he was talking with Amy Brozio-Andrews of AbsoluteWrite about his publishing company, Rugged Land. He explains this so-called dirty little secret of the publishing world:

“3 out of 5 books published by the big companies lose money. So you have 40% of the list paying off the debt of the other 60% and, on top of that, holding up the companies overall profitability. Not exactly a great business enterprise to jump on.”

Coyne’s solution to this is that his house puts out only 6 paperback and 6 hardback books per year, and aims to have nearly 100% of his books be profitable. He thinks that’s a better model.

Well, perhaps it’s a better model for business, if making money is the single biggest thing you care about. But if you have an interest in supporting literature as art, expanding people’s minds, leading the edge of creativity, or being a tastemaker, perhaps the 40/60 model of the big guys is a worthwhile endeavor.

What really got my blood boiling was this piece of “advice” Coyne tossed to all the AbsoluteWrite readers: “Figure out who will buy the book. If you can’t figure out who will, then stop writing.”

Stop writing. Amazing, sir. The model you promote is to identify pre-existing audiences and then write for them. Identify a large group of people who already like something and all like the same thing, and then write something like they like so they’ll like it.

I call this the “recursive self-homogenization” of literature. Instead of writing the great new breakout novel, you’re only supposed to write something just like previous breakouts. Let someone else create the audience, and you just piggyback on top of that. If you’re successful too, then someone else will figure out what your book had in common with the breakout, and repeat it. Then someone else will repeat it again. The same audiences keep reading the same books, so the same books keep getting published. The stories become copies of copies of copies, each less vibrant than the previous until you they’re barely anything at all. All the YA fantasy that followed Harry Potter. All the paranormal romance that followed Twilight. All the dystopian fiction that will follow the Hunger Games. But at some point, the quality gets so low, audiences are forced to turn to something new.

Coyne says don’t write it if you can’t sell it. The converse is, if you can sell it, write it.

I say, write what moves your soul and worry about the markets later. Don’t be a copy of a copy of a copy. Don’t perpetuate the homogenization. Your audience is out there. It’s just that they’re not all hanging out together. They’re waiting to be found—by you.

What do you think? Do you write to be successful in the markets? Or is your measure of success something different?

Titular Angst

2011-07-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

I finally had a cover layout that I loved. I even showed a few people. I was totally ready to post it on my website, get postcards printed, and start the full court marketing press.

And then I changed it.

The reason? I changed my title. I am more than a bit torn up about it. This is the biggest "darling" I've murdered, after years of attachment. I love the word “Secernere”--the way it sounds like a secret. What it means and the mystery it reflects. I think it’s a great title in the tradition of gothic romances, like Glenarvon, Vastarien, or Malpertuis. It also looks just gorgeous on the cover in all lower-case—all the round letters, the repeating e’s. It’s a very symmetrical, attractive word.

secernere

But I’ve come to realize that I would be making a bad choice to continue to use Secernere as the book title. The number one reason is that no one can pronounce it. Everyone seems to have a slightly different take on it. If you can’t pronounce—hell, if you can’t spell it if you hear it pronounced—how are you going to ask for it in a book store? How are you going to look it up on Amazon? It’s not memorable, because there’s a high probability people will remember it wrong.

I just imagine the conversations:

“Tell me about your book!”

“Oh thanks for asking! It’s historical fantasy with a nod to the old gothic romances. It’s called Secernere.”

“Come again?”

“Secernere.”

“Sesser huh? Can you write that down for me? I’ll never be able to remember that.”

Later, while searching on Google… “I think she said it was something that started with an S? Oh well. Maybe I’ll buy the next Steig Larson.”

I need a title that is easy to pronounce, easy to remember, unmistakable, and—above all—isn’t taken by someone else! (All I need is for someone to end up buying the wrong Surfacing. Thanks, Margaret Atwood! Just kidding.)

So, the book has been retitled. Tentatively. Tentatively retitled. But herein lies the problem: This new, longer, four-word title, which includes such ugliness as an apostrophe and a small article, does not look nice in place of Secernere in the cover I so painstakingly designed. It's not as simple as a find+replace. So it’s back to the drawing board (back to the InDesign screen…).

I hope I arrive at a cover I love as much, and I hope I grow to love the new title. It's a good title. It's sturdy like a milkmaid. It is a textbook title (if your textbook is Save the Cat, like mine has been recently). It has double meanings and is thematically relevant. It describes the hero and has a twist of irony. But it's still not Secernere, something I hope I will get over with time. This has by far been the most frustrating task of the publishing experience so far. I understand now why people outsource the cover. Then again, I would have been in the same boat as I am now: great cover, wrong title.

Stay tuned for the big reveal. As soon as I stop having nightmares about bad titles and awful graphic design, I might be ready to release the cover to the public. Maybe. Perhaps I should have just gone with the Gothic Title Generator.

The Revisions Matrix: My Approach to One-Pass Novel Revising

2011-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

I wrote earlier about how my excellent beta gave me terrific groundwork for a plan to revise my novel. I have a good framework there. I have all the characters there, and the plot works, without—as I’d feared—any gaping holes. What I’m doing now is, as the late great Blake Snyder puts it, “pulling the arrow back.”

(Side note: I’ve been reading Save the Cat! and finding a lot of it very applicable to novel writing. I highly encourage writers to check out Black Snyder's website. There’s also a great interview with him over at Writer Unboxed.)

Pulling the arrow back means setting up your protagonist at the beginning of the book so that she is in a position to make the longest trajectory to her "new" self at the end of the book. Think about an arrow you don't pull back in the bow very far. It goes only a little wobbly ways before it falls flat to the ground. Now think about the arrow pulled back so far and so hard that it strains your every muscle. That’s the arrow that’s going to make the best flight.

My plan for revision is to pull back the arrow of Lady Aurora of Cavalcata, my protagonist. I’m asking myself, why is this the greatest adventure of her life? I need to make it so the stakes can’t get any higher. I also need to make her choices stronger, so that she is more active in the change she undergoes in the course of the story. And then there are some housekeeping things to attend to: enhance the presence of the war in the story, refine the minor characters, balance the flashbacks between the first and second halves.

So here’s what I did: I figured out the top ten or so major things I need of which I need to be vigilantly aware during the revision process. These are questions I need to ask myself, thematic arcs, things I can enhance to make each scene and character work harder. Examples:

How is the war present in this scene?
Is this character acting true to type? Or purposely going against type?
"My life has changed for having met another” (this is my thematic arc)

I took these things and wrote them in fat, green Sharpie marker on index cards, which I taped all over my desk. All I have to do is glance up and remember what I need to be paying attention to. This isn’t the time to be mulling over word choice or paragraph length. I need to be focused and targeted on the ways I am enhancing the book, and these index cards keep me on track.

The second thing I did was to create an enormous spreadsheet, my Revisions Matrix. Going down the left side, I have every single scene in my book. Across the top, I have the following:

Chapter number – helps me see if I have tried to stuff too much or too little into a single chapter
Scene number – for identification purposes
Time – helps me ensure that the timeline matches up across the whole arc of the book, including flashbacks
Plot – again, for identification purposes
Character change – what is the arc of the character in this scene? These are opportunities to “pull the arrow back” in a small way.
Opportunity (Character) – what opportunity do I have here to enhance the characters in this scene? Are they serving the themes? Are they being true to their essential selves? Are there parallels to late scenes that can be leveraged?
Opportunity (Conflict) – what is the tension in this scene? Can it be enhanced? Am I making things too easy on my characters? Am I pulling the arrow back far enough as I aim at targets later in the book?
Opportunity (War) – how is the war present in this scene? Did the characters seem to forget there is a war going on? How can I drop in bits of history and details that make it seem more like a character in itself?
Theme Stated – In this final column, I take one sentence from the Chapter that sums up the theme for that chapter. This helps me focus the chapter and make sure everything is serving the mini thematic arc. If there is not a stated theme, I have a problem, and I need to address it. One of my favorites: “Sometimes locks are to keep things out.”

When this matrix is complete, it will be my scene-by-scene blueprint for revision. It makes life easier for me because I’ve gotten all the thinking out of the way first. When I get to each scene, I just have to write to my plan. And because I planned it all out ahead of time, I’ve mitigated the risk of introducing something new or making a change that will cascade to other parts of the book in a way I haven't planned for.

The plan now is to revise one chapter per night according to the matrix. Then I print out a hard copy and do my red-line edit. The theory is that, when I get to the end, all I’ll have to do is input the red-line changes and I’ll be done. Pretty sweet! Let’s just see if I can stick to that pace for all 39 chapters…

The Tocking Clock

2011-07-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

I am sorely behind schedule.

I’m sore about it because I’m bumping up against these milestones I’ve set for myself in order to meet my goal of publication in December, and also because if I can’t find the time now to do the work, why do I think it’s going to get any better later?

I’m realizing that, once you remove the find an agent/find a publisher piece of the equation, an indie pubber’s timeline is not that different from a traditional publisher. There is a tremendous amount of work to do! And because so much of the work includes sequential tasks, and not parallel tasks, it really stretches that timeline out.

I set my release target as early December. That’s in part because I will turn 30 on December 11^th, and in part because I want to grab at least a piece of the holiday sales action. It’s also in part because that’s about the soonest I thought I could get to where I need to be. Backing out of the date, I need time to get the books printed and shipped. Before that I need to do a round of Advanced Readers Copies (ARCs) to send to reviewers and blurbers in an effort to secure some of those elusive back cover quotes. So before that, I need to have the exterior and the interior done, and at least once-overed by my proofreader. To get the interior done, I need the narrative LOCKED DOWN. I can’t be tinkering with it—at least not in any major way—once it’s layout time.

So where in my schedule do I have “narrative locked down”? Um, August.

Hello, August. I can see you because you are a mere two weeks away. Care to delay your visit for a few weeks while I nail these revisions?

I thought six months of lead time would be ample, generous, even under the constraints of doing all this myself. Add to the work of the actual book itself that I’m planning a Kickstarter campaign and a book trailer, and I need to do a pre-release marketing push: I’ve made myself into quite a busy lady.

Can I make the December deadline? Probably. But I’m not sure I can do it without sacrificing the butt-in-seat time I need to do the revision that will make Secernere shine. I mean, it’s fine now. But I want it to be awesome. My revision plan calls to revise, re-read, and red-line one chapter a night. That plan will take me deep into August, approaching September—and I’ve already missed four days in a row. I’m hoping I can use weekends, holidays, and a few days off to double-up and get back on track. But we’ll see.

There’s always January. Cold, bleak, January, when people just want to curl up beside the fire with a good book. …and spend the Amazon gift cards they got for Christmas.

Beta Testing: When's the Right Time to Bring in Outside Readers?

2011-07-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

The most current draft of Secernere has been re-written three times, then line edited twice, and I’ve read the entire thing out loud to myself. But I know it’s not quite done yet. I can feel it. I also know I am too close to the manuscript at this point to see the flaws a fresh reader will catch immediately. That’s why I enlisted beta readers—and why you should too. But it’s essential to bring them in at the right point in the process.

My first betas were ill-chosen. Do not ask your nearest and dearest to read the novel you’ve been slaving over for years. Don’t give it to your mother or significant other. One of three things will happen: 1) They will fall in love with it—and you won’t get any helpful feedback as they gush about how great you are. 2) They will find problems with it, and you will try to take it as constructive criticism, but your feelings will secretly be hurt and you will resent them. 3) They will be too busy to read it but will accept anyway out of guilt, and it will make you both feel awkward and resentful.

An ideal beta reader is someone with whom you are acquainted—or even friends with—but who also has an expertise that will help you improve your writing. This could be someone from your creative writing group, a friend who happens to be a professional editor, or someone who reads extensively in your genre. After my ill-advised first beta round, I chose wisely for my second: three friends who are, respectively, a fellow writer, a professional editor, and a filmmaker.

A couple days ago I got the first comments back, these from my writer friend, Jes. Jes is much like me in that she is very well educated in creative writing technique and she is also a structuralist. She’s a recent convert of the Save the Cat! techniques and has been showing me the ropes. In her email, she let slip that she had taken 20 pages of notes as she’d read Secernere, but thankfully she distilled her final “book report” into just 8 pages. 8 pages still panicked me. But I printed the pages out, took them, home and carefully read every word.

Reading a detailed account of someone else’s reading of my work caused in me some of the strangest feelings I think I’ve ever had. Suddenly, the characters, the plot, the setting were no longer wholly mine. It was as if Pandora’s box opened and everything in my book is now free in the universe, existing alongside other fictional characters into whom life has been imbued by readers. It all feels so much more real.

Jes’ comments were absolutely stunning in how helpful they will be as I work through my revision. She didn’t point out (as I thought betas would) character names she didn’t like, or anachronistic foods, or other details that are rather inconsequential at this stage of revision. Instead, she identified my thematic arc and sub-themes, described the major characters’ traits, and discussed her impression of the time, setting, and backdrop of war. Then she indicated ways in which I could strengthen theme, character, plot, setting, by leveraging ideas already in the book. She didn’t point out weaknesses, but pointed out existing strengths that could be made more poignant with small changes.

I was ecstatic. I had imagined I would be greeted with comments of everything that was wrong, and I would be forced to make hard decisions that would adversely affect other passages, domino-like. I had imagined tearing it all apart, then having to scrap the whole thing because I couldn’t put it back together. Instead, my friend has created for me a plan of action that will turn a good book into a great book.

So my conclusion is to choose your betas wisely, and only bring them in after you have done your due diligence of rewriting and revising. It’s not fair to ask someone to read your first draft. Ask them to read when you’ve solved all the problems you can identify yourself, when you know something’s still lacking, but you need the help in figuring out what. Your betas are not there to help you make a rough draft into a decent draft. They should help you make a good book into a great book.

I’ll be writing more about my revision strategy soon. Hint: it involves index cards and an enormous spreadsheet…

Revisions Begin

2011-07-09T14:56:00.002-07:00

Virtual Interview

2011-07-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

Sarah Allen just posed a list of questions for writers on her blog, so I thought I’d turn them into a virtual interview. It’s practice for when people actually ask me for my opinion, haha.

There were two types of questions: some about writing and some about marketing/networking. I’ll tackle the writing questions in this post, and go back to the marketing ones later.

-Plotter or pantser? And how do you specifically go about doing your plotting/pantsing?

I would say I’m a bit of a hybrid, with a heavy lean toward plotter. I blame my day job. In proposal writing, it’s mandatory that you be in compliance with what’s called the Request for Proposals (RFP) document. The way you get in compliance is to create outlines and checklists and plan, plan, plan. Basically, you have to put all your information in little (figurative) boxes that are laid out for you ahead of time—but it still has to be compelling, unified writing in the end.

From this, I’ve learned the value of having boxes to fill. Pre-planning your writing makes the writing go easier, and you can jump from box to box if you get stuck with one. Planning helps eliminate writer’s block.

I say with great caution that planned structure is your friend, because I know so many writers who think that “formula” is the other F-word. But structure can be as simple as the three-act structure (i.e., beginning, middle, and end) to the more complicated 15-beat structure (Word doc) from Save the Cat!. Sometimes I like to self-impose complicated structures to my writing as an interesting experiment. I once wrote a short story in the form of a sonnet, where I replaced the end-of-line rhyme with different characters’ POVs. It failed, but it sure was fun!

But I do think it’s dangerous to try to plot out specifically what happens, and this is where the “pantsing” comes in. If your characters are strong, they will develop wills of their own, and they won’t necessarily end up in the situations you want them to. So when you plan, it’s much better to plan changes and circumstances.

For example, you might say in your outline/writing plan, “at this point, something will happen that changes Cassie’s opinion about Bob.” Your characters of Cassie and Bob will show you what that event will be when you get there; but in order to move your plot and character arcs forward, you have to know that the change is necessary and figure out when it’s necessary. As another example, you might say in your outline, “Cassie is trapped somewhere and has to do something against her nature to get free.” This situation could be a million different things, from a literal trap to an emotional one. But this moment will be an important development in your plot and character arc.

-What is your writing schedule like? Morning? Evening? 3:47-5:02 AM?

I have a day job that can be very mentally fatiguing, and I spend a large chunk of my day writing—technical, not fiction. Unfortunately, I don’t always have the energy to write fiction before or after work and for this reason, I don’t write regularly.

Rather, I tend to rely on very condensed, very intensive writing sessions, such as National Novel Writing Month, the 3-Day Novel Contest, and planned vacations that I devote to writing. I also plan writing sessions with friends, where we get together and write for a couple hours. These types of gimmicks serve to force me to be very productive and to write very fast, often resulting in decent first drafts that I can then edit at my leisure.

For me (and certainly not for everyone!) writing works best in long, intense, consecutive sessions—living, breathing, eating the work for that period of time. Editing works itself out in the short bursts I can afford during the rest of my life.

I do dream of someday having a regular writing schedule, but nothing else about my life is regular or scheduled, so a dream it remains.

-Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what music?

I do like music, but it’s very important that the music not be distracting, so I tend to listen to the same music over and over again until it becomes basically white noise. My favorite go-to album is Radiohead’s Hail to the Thief, which I have listened to hundreds of times while writing.

Sometimes I use soundtracks from movies to write very intense scenes. The score from an action scene in a movie can really put you in the mindset to write a great action scene in your book!

-Do you have a daily/weekly word count goal, and what is it?

Because I write the way I do, goals fluctuate greatly. During NaNoWriMo, my goal is 1700–2000 words per day. During the 3-Day Novel Contest, I put out 7000–8000 words per day. When I write on my days off, I usually aim to get 1000 words down. I like round numbers.

-What character types are your favorite?

My favorite types of characters are the ones who I can’t wait to get to know. They’re the ones who never do what you want them to when you’re writing because they have minds and personalities of their own.

My favorite character recently has been the male lead from Secernere, Storey. Storey is probably one of the most complicated and compelling characters I’ve ever written. He’s a pacifist who is forced to facilitate violence in order that he can achieve peace for his country—and for his soul—in the longer term. Storey has become someone who I sometimes forget doesn’t actually exist, which is kind of sad because I think he'd be pretty awesome to hang out with.

Under Cover

2011-07-04T10:13:00.001-07:00

I just re-read my last post, and I feel that I must wrap up the loose end I left about how I would feel after signing the paperwork to license the cover photograph for Secernere. I signed the contract late last week, paid the fee, and downloaded the final high-resolution TIFF from the lovely and talented photographer (who I believe is also the model in the photograph).

I tell you I did not feel one single twinge of regret. Not one pang. The only thing I felt was a fluttering heart, much akin to the feeling when one receives a note from a new lover. Owning the rights to this perfect image has solidified Secernere in my mind as more than just words on a page, as more than a manuscript. The paperwork, the signature, the out-shelling of money, the filed-away invoice as a statement of business expense: this was my first real move down the independent publishing road.

Over the weekend, I finished the layout to my cover, including the spine and the back, on which I posted draft sales copy and an exorbitantly laudatory (fake) blurb. And I am so happy with it. It's this perfect little decoration that I will wrap around my interesting little story and turn it into this nebulous idea called a "book."

On the Awl yesterday, I read a quote from Mark Jude Poirier that summed it up so well: "The cover of your first book is like your wedding dress if you’re a woman: You want it to represent who you are, but you want it to make you look much better than you normally do."

Now I'm not all that into weddings, and I don't put much time into daydreaming about a wedding dress, but my first book cover is shaping up to be a pretty good goshdarn stand-in. Timeless, classic, simple, muted but memorable. (Too bad it probably won't make my mother quite as happy.)

But oh my gosh, I can't wait to share it! Stay tuned.

On Designing a Book Cover

2011-06-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

I think a rite of passage in this self-publishing thing is to do your homework. This has been done before, and most certainly documented before in this, the Age of Documentation. So the new self-publisher’s first task is to educate herself using the lessons learned by those who blazed the trail. Among the advice that is most frequently and loudly repeated is this: Do not to try to design the cover yourself.

This is also the very first piece of advice I threw out the window.

It was a somewhat worrisome choice, I admit. There’s something about the covers of self-published books that scream “No Professionals Here!” What is it about self-published book covers that self-identify them as such? I have yet to put my finger on it. I think there are a few common missteps: designing in a non-design program, such as Word or PowerPoint; using common fonts like Times New Roman and not tweaking anything about them; using cheap, off-the-shelf stock photography or graphics. But those notwithstanding, professional designers do bring a certain je ne se quoi.

But only some of them.

I don’t want to skewer an entire industry, but let’s just say I’ve worked with enough graphic designers to know that they’re just like any other professional: some are really amazing, some are really terrible, and the bulk fall on the continuum in between.

I would be hard-pressed to call myself a professional graphic designer, but I do perform design on at least a weekly basis in the course of my occupation. I also minored in Fine Art at Goucher, and studied art for 17 consecutive years. I draw and paint at home. I have “an eye” as they say, so I don’t feel out of my element in putting together my own book cover. I’ve chosen to do this because I’ve committed to keeping the “self” in self-publisher. (I’ll tell you I considered for more than a long moment printing the books myself and hand-binding them, but that’s another story. I smartly moved on from that choice.) I consider myself an artist, and I feel I would be cheating some part of myself if I were to leave the cover art up to someone else.

But as I’m moving forward with a particular photograph from a particular photographer, I’m realizing the small piece of joy that I’m missing out on by doing it myself: the reveal. In the same way I will never be able to read Secernere for the first time like any other reader can, I will never be able to see my cover for the first time. It is evolving in draft after draft, tweak after tweak. I’m losing my objective eye for it because I’ve seen it through so many iterations. As explored in earlier posts, I have myriad reasons for knowing I’m ready to publish the book. I don’t have quite so much confidence in the cover design.

I’m a little disappointed that I won’t ever take in that gasp of breath and exclaim, “Oh my god! It’s perfect!” when I see the delivered cover from my hired gun. But neither will I ever have to be a PITA control freak client saying to the designer, “Can you try it once more with Garamond instead?”

It was difficult to settle on a photographer. It’s not the photographer; she’s amazing and her work looks like it was taken right out of my book. It’s more that it’s difficult to narrow my choices down. So it was even more difficult to settle on a handful of her photographs, from which I narrowed it down to one. Now that I’ve mentally locked myself into one, I’m beginning to feel a bit trapped, and I worry that feeling may get worse once I sign the paperwork. After that, the photograph has to become part of a design, and eventually I will be able to change nothing, not even the spread on the drop shadow under my name. That’s the thing about being a control freak: you wholly own the decisions you make, and you can never pass the blame onto anything except the passage of time.

But whatever I settle on will be imperfect and perfect in its own way. Perfect because it will be mine.

…And yours.

Cover Art

2011-06-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

I am going to keep this short, because I am a few glasses of vino in... :) But I couldn't wait to share the news:

I just got a reply from an amazing photographer that she is willing to license me a piece of her work for the cover of Secernere, and at a very workable price. I am so stoked that my heart is actually beating faster!

I will have final cover art soon, and I'll post it here first!

Calm Before the Storm

2011-06-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night was the screening for my team’s (Liquid Squid’s) entry into the Baltimore 48-Hour Film Project, and my team got together for dinner before the movie. Liquid Squid’s team leader is one of my oldest and greatest friends, and also happens to be one of my beta readers. There were 11 or 12 of us at the dinner, and the obvious topic was the screening and moviemaking in general. As much as I wanted to, it would have been rude of me to pull my friend aside and ask about her progress on Secernere.

I’ve run into this several times already. I’d given my book to two early readers, and then never heard anything from them. I didn’t want to be a bother; I thought it was already generous of them to volunteer to read it, and I thought they should get all the time they need. But at a certain point, I realized they weren’t going to either 1) start or 2) finish the book, and I would have to move on. It was frustrating, and a little damaging to my ego. I mean, if I can’t get my friends even to read it—let alone devour it in one night with a flashlight under the sheets—how on earth can I expect to sell it to anyone else?

Thankfully, my friend gave me a stage whisper of an update across the table: “I really want to talk to you about your book, but I know it’s not the time!” She had practically read my mind, and I was so grateful to her for bringing it up so I didn’t have to. She then told me she was about halfway through and was “preparing a full report.”

A full report?

There went my fantasy: my betas would respond much like my mom did with an “attagirl” and a few pointed-out typos. I’d fix the small things and one step closer to the final product. I think I’ve been deluding myself that there isn’t going to be (any more) real, hard work ahead of me. But I’d also be deluding myself if I said I didn’t mind putting out a flawed product.

If I follow the schedule I set up for myself, I have until early August to get the narrative locked down so I can lay out the interior and get a copy to my proofreader. I still think that’s reasonable, if I really buckle down. The hard part about right now is the waiting. I don’t want to start any round of editing until I get all beta comments back. I can start the interior templates, I can continue to mess around with the cover, I can take more footage for the Kickstarter video. But nothing feels like it matters until I get the book itself locked into final. So I’m mostly just waiting.

It’s like the calm before the storm.

How Do You Know When Your Book is Ready? Part 2 of 2

2011-06-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

We’ve covered why I don’t think rejection of book ≠ lack of book quality. For the second part of this post, I’m going to stop ranting about the publishing industry (for once!) and actually talk about my writing. The original question was, “How do you know when your book is ready?” To me, the underlying question is, “How do you have enough confidence in your writing to put it into print without getting a thumbs up from a reliable third party (e.g., a publishing house)?”

These are my answers, and they are actually pretty similar to those of Rachel Starr Thompson, who posted a 4-part series of entries on this same topic.

1) I’ve been writing for a very long time. There are only two ways to get good at writing: Write more, and read more. I do a lot of both. As Rachel explains, when you write and read a lot, you develop an ear for what sounds good and what sounds, well, bad. I also used to be a professional book editor. I’ve edited 11 published books, and 6 more as a freelancer (pub status unknown). I’ve also worked with editors on my own writing. I write and edit professionally on a daily basis, so I am constantly in practice. Basically, writing and editing are second-nature to me by now, so I have a certain level of skill with words that allows me to do with them what I want. They don’t obey every time, but I do have a reasonable amount of success achieving the results I’m seeking with my writing.

I’m also educated about technique. I have studied creative writing in academic and personal settings for over 16 years. I have a degree in writing, specializing in fiction, and I have read numerous books on structure, editing, punctuation theory, publishing, and more. Not only do I know “best practices” in writing, but I understand why they’re important and how to apply them. You can never master a technique until you understand why it works—and when you can (and should) break the rules.

I won’t say I’ve mastered the novel, but I’ve written three or so long-form pieces, and I’m getting to know this form pretty well. I have also had multiple shorter works published, so I know publication quality is not an extreme reach for me.

2) I’ve rewritten Secernere from beginning to end twice. Some sections have been rewritten 4 or 5 times. This ain’t no first draft. I’ve put the most recent draft through the editing ringer twice. Now I have beta readers looking at my latest draft, and I’ll incorporate any feedback that resonates with me, and edit again. I have lined up a professional copyeditor to go through the final draft for typos—because I admit to being blind to those at this point.

I call editing a funnel, because on each pass there should be less to do. Developmental editing, which usually occurs after the first rough draft, takes a massive amount of work, and the changes will be substantial. I’ve done this on several authors’ novels when the backbone of the story was there, but the meat just wasn’t hanging right. After you’ve gone through large-scale developmental editing and gotten to another complete draft, you really oughtn’t need to do it again. If you find yourself continually re-jiggering large swaths of your book, you may have a bigger underlying problem in your premise that needs to be addressed before you can ever dream of getting the words right.

Once developmental editing is done, you can move onto editing on a smaller scale, usually at the chapter or scene level. Then comes line editing, where you get the words right. And finally, copyediting or proofreading, where you make sure all your T’s are crossed and your I’s are dotted.

I have needed “narrower” editing with each pass, and that makes me feel like I have been driving toward a quality product. I’m not just putting any old thing out there; I’m going out with a book that has been revised and improved numerous times.

3) I’ve read every single word of the novel out loud. If you have ever sought out writing advice, I’m sure you’ve come across this tip before, and it is one I stand by. Read every word aloud to yourself. It’s the only way you’ll find things that sound funny—not funny haha, but funny off. It’s easy for your brain to fill in the holes when you’re reading by sight (illusions of visual perception), but when you read out loud, you’re much more likely to catch mistakes and missteps.

4) My mom read it and she loved it. Just kidding. Well, not kidding. She did read it and she did love it. But that is not a valid reason to think my writing is ready for print.

5) I’m satisfied. I’m ready to move on. Yes, I could work on it some more. And maybe some more. I could probably fiddle with it forever, and never let anyone see it because I don’t think it’s perfect. But that’s not what I want to do. I don’t think any author is every 100% happy with their writing (if they are, they’re deluding themselves). I’ve been reading The Shining lately, and even the King says in his introduction that there are parts he would change now. But the writers who have writing in print knew when to stop, say “enough,” and move onto the next project. The bottom line is that you can’t get it published if you never stop working on it. For me, I think my book is ready for the next stage of its life, to move out of my house and get a job. And I know I’m sure as hell ready to move onto the next project.

Having the confidence to self-publish is a mix of talent, ego, guts, and willful, blissful ignorance: it’s about having a pretty good grasp of what you’re good at, being more que sera sera about what you can’t change, and not thinking about all the bad things that could happen.

When Are You Ready? Part 1 of 2 (or more!)

2011-06-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

A recent commenter, Emily, asked me a wonderfully tough question: “For me, …I know I've been rejected because the book isn't ready yet. I admire your confidence in yours. How do you know your book is ready?” I realized this wasn’t something I could answer in a few lines, so I wanted to post in reply.

I’m actually going to split this answer into two parts. First I want to take that question and twist it a bit. Since I have decided to self-publish, the first question is not so much “How do you know your book is ready,” as “How do you know the publishing industry will never be ready for you?”

Reason number one is that I used to work in publishing. I don’t want to come off as being bitter about the publishing industry just because I haven’t been accepted by it. I actually never thought traditional publishing was the way to go, but the sensible part of myself told the other part of myself, “Oh just try it. If you fail, I give you permission to go another way.”

Anyway, I spent 18 months as a reader, editor, and marketing manager at a small independent publisher in Baltimore. It was my dream job. I had always wanted to be a book editor, even more than I wanted to be an author. There is something extremely appealing about making other people’s dreams come true. However, I was forced to leave because of the volatility of the industry. As a recent college grad, I needed something more stable—and indie publishing is anything but. I could tell you loads of stories about slush piles taller than me and what it’s like to be on the sending end of a rejection letter. I had to reject books of extremely high quality, simply due to lack of financing to put them into print. Our house only put out about 12 books a year, and we received over 1000 manuscripts in the same time period. The experience gave me a perspective that not many writers are privy to, and it was a major reality check.

But one story stands out in my mind. With one particular novel, Like We Care by Tom Matthews, I saw it from slush pile, through acquisition and negotiation, the editing funnel, exterior and interior layout, and ultimately publication and marketing. (Look for my name in the acknowledgments when you purchase this terrific little book.) Tom is an extremely talented writer, with strong credentials in both journalism and Hollywood. Like We Care is excellent, and Tom has great connections and a name for himself. School Library Journal compared it to Fight Club. Booklist gave it a favorable review, too. We thought this was a recipe for a breakout novel.

But the breakout just didn’t happen like we’d imagined … and it broke my heart.

My takeaway from this is that publishing success is almost completely arbitrary. It frankly doesn’t matter whether Secernere is wonderful or terrible, because whether it sells enough to make back the money put into it hinges on so many unpredictable factors that I can’t control from my end, with my pen and imagination. And frankly, that’s all I want to control.

But I also firmly believe it will never be accepted by an agent or publishing house because it doesn’t fit into a neat little box. Selling in the publishing industry is all about packaging—Who’s your market? What’s the genre? What books are comparable? What kind of “platform” do you have? What’s your 100-word synopsis? (Might I add that 100 words is about .001% of the entire novel. Even a 2-minute movie trailer is over .02% of a 90-minute movie. You’re going to judge and reject me based on .001% of my novel?) Publishing professionals simply do not have the time anymore to read a book from cover to cover and make a judgment based on that. Personally, I think that any judgment based on anything less than that has no merit.

Reason number two is that the traditional publishing model is dying. eBooks and POD books are gaining on traditional large-run, offset printed books. This has have opened the market to anyone who wants others to read their books. Amazon has tons of free eBooks—proof that many authors would rather have a slightly imperfect product actually read, than have a polished, homogenized, rewritten for the workshop, rewritten for the agent, rewritten for the editor, rewritten for the editor’s boss, packaged, agented, marketable, marketed, pretty little book perhaps sit on a shelf, or perhaps sell a little—with the lion’s share of the money going to the publisher.

So my feelings about the publishing industry are what made me know I was ready to go the self-publishing route. As for how I know the actual writing is ready for public consumption … I’ll tackle that in my next post.

More on Rejection

2011-06-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

I don't want to sound like a whiner. I'm trying really hard not to sound bitter. Mostly I'm trying to justify my choice--maybe to others, maybe to myself. I feel like both publishing roads--self and traditional--are both difficult, fraught with risk and potential ego-shattering disappointment.

A lot of publishing professionals tout rejections as a way to get tough, to learn to improve your writing, to be vetted against others who know what they're doing. My creative writing teacher at Goucher, the esteemed Madison Smartt Bell, said we all have to grow rhinoceros skin--egos thick and impenetrable. But I think it's a flawed and failed system. I've been rejected a ton of times. I should state also that I've been published multiple times. I don't want anyone to think I don't know what I'm doing. I've had half a dozen short stories published, as well as multiple non-fiction pieces.

But it's a losing game, and the house is collecting way more than I am. That's because of the way the system is set up.

This is a screen cap of my agent spreadsheet. Dark red means form rejection. Light red means personalized rejection. Gray means never bothered to get back to me. Blue was a request for pages, and white are ones I haven't approached yet.

Now, notice I said "agent spreadsheet." The agents are the first gatekeepers. In fact, I would argue that the agents have their own gatekeepers--interns and junior assistants. Who knows how many of the form rejections I got were from these assistants, some/many of whom (I say bitterly with tongue planted firmly in cheek [I was once a publishing intern, too]) are young, naive, unsophisticated, perhaps fans of Twilight, perhaps bitter at their own low rung on the ladder or lack of publishing cred.

So there are gatekeepers before gatekeepers. Perhaps one or more of my queries got past the intern to an actual agent, and then was rejected. Say an agent finally did accept my manuscript. Then they must go through their own submission ringer. The idea is that they have contacts and friends and they know how to shmooze and they know how to pitch--it's their job. But still, they're working with the same manuscript. No matter how good a salesman they are, the product doesn't change. So they're going to get rejected again--possibly by another bitter intern, possibly by a big-name editor. There are many more gatekeepers to pass.

Then the editors have to convince their own houses, make a business case, secure financing. Then the book gets published. But then there are still more gatekeepers--distributors, bookstore and library acquisitions managers, book clubs, reviewers, and ultimately the readers themselves. There are layers upon layers of people just waiting to say, "no thanks."

People in publishing say that passing through all these gates ensure that a fine quality product is put out for the reading masses. Is that so? Then why is there so much crap on the shelves? Why do I still find typos in books when I'm not even looking for them? Why isn't everything a bestseller?

The thing is, I get rejected all the time in my day job. I manage proposals for a government contractor, and sometimes we win them, but more often we lose. This is industry standard; the average win rate for companies in this business is well below 50%. So I'm used to playing a losing game, 40-50 hours a week. But I think that's a big part of the reason why I can't play the same losing game at home, with my writing.

I have the choice to take a different path, and I'm taking it. I'll take unknown odds over known bad odds any day. And if I can load my own dice, so much the better.

Become a Patron

2011-06-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

There are centuries of history behind patronage of the arts, with the most detailed recorded history of it occurring from the Medieval to the Renaissance periods. Shakespeare, Da Vinci, and Mozart all benefitted from the assistance of sponsors in the creation of their art.

As it was then, however, patronage now is concentrated in small, powerful, elitist centers—mostly corporations, government, and educational institutions. Whenever control over decisions is concentrated, the art output is purposely or inadvertently homogenized, with a bent towards return-on-investment. This does not bode well for the independent artist, from whose mind commercialization is often far away.

Those arts which can be reproduced, packaged, and commoditized—namely, books and music—are extremely susceptible to death by lack of perceived commercial appeal. Large upfront costs for said packaging and reproduction, combined with the paradox of economies of scale, make independence in these media cost prohibitive for the so-called “starving artist.”

But thanks to the power of the internet, social networking, and (dare I use the term) crowdsourcing, the decision-making power can be spread across the masses and the risk/reward model changes. The risk for the patron is diluted to almost nothing. The reward for the artist is that she foregoes being a (financial, intellectual, creative) debtor and remains the artist, with requisite artistic control.

Over the summer, I will be finalizing my first novel, Secernere, preparing it for print. In autumn 2011, I will be opening a Kickstarter campaign to fund the publication of Secernere, and will be soliciting patronage to help defray the costs related to professional proofreading, printing, and shipping & handling costs. In return, my patrons will receive a variety of rewards, including autographed copies of Secernere, original artwork from the book design, handmade bookmarks, and special acknowledgments in the book.

For a nominal cost—what one might pay for two Frappacinos, or a hardcover of Twilight, or a blu-ray disc—the patron can now directly contribute to the creation and distribution of a new work. Once, the publisher would put out tens of thousands of dollars in what was essentially a gamble, expecting, no, hoping for that return on investment. Now, the investment is small, and the expected return is not financial; it is creative, intellectual, soulful. The patron is not commercial consumer, but a part of the creation myth.

Watch here for more information as we move toward the Kickstarter campaign. If you want to contribute early, please feel free. Your name will be recorded for a reward once they have been determined.

A Glimpse of the Future

2011-06-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

One of my beta readers, Jes, loaded up her Kindle with the draft of Secernere and sent me this shot last night. It makes me giddy to see myself in print--well, in e-ink anyway!

Something's Brewing

2011-06-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm about to embark on an adventure.

I've decided I'm going to be published before I turn 30. That means I have a little under 6 months.

Come with me. This is going to be fun.

The Best Year Ever?

2011-01-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

I was originally going to post this on New Year's Eve, but got caught up, unsurprisingly, in the festivities that come with that celebration, and subsequently with a bizarrely busy beginning of the year at work. Due to a large project being taken off my hands, I've finally gotten a chance to breathe and ruminate about 2010.

I have come to the not-so-light conclusion that it was my best year ever. I do feel like I should qualify this: obviously this was not a good year as a whole--for the country, for the world, etc. But it was wonderful for me, personally, as a personal person, as an individual. I achieved some of my greatest lifelong accomplishments in the past year. Here's a quick rundown of what made this year so good, in no particular order:

Romantic accomplishment: I moved in with my best friend, love-of-my-life, and partner, Chris, and our three cats, to a really beautiful apartment in Mount Vernon. We're kind of sloppy, but other than that I simply adore living with him. It's pretty darn blissful. Also, we have a working fireplace and TWO bathrooms.
Athletic accomplishment: I began and completed a running training program and subsequently ran a 5k race. Never having been athletically inclined (or able), and being exceptionally lazy, this was a huge accomplishment. I didn't come in last, or even close to last.
Intellectual accomplishment: I finished writing my novel. I actually finished. The whole thing is written, front to back, and I wrote "the end." I honestly never thought it would happen. Some weird, psychological "fear of failure/success" often keeps me from finishing ANYTHING.
Geographical accomplishment: I finally made it to Europe! Ireland counts, right? Next stop: the Continent.
Professional accomplishment: I trained, studied, took an exam, and became professionally certified in my field. I am better at my job and got a raise.
Financial accomplishment: In addition to increasing both my 401(k) and Roth contributions, I have began putting money regularly into the stock market and am becoming much more educated on how to make my money work. My portfolio has made returns of 55% and I should have a $25,000 down payment for a house in advance of my 5-year goal. I'm not debt-free (still have that dang car payment) but I will be within a year (the possibility of student loans notwithstanding)
Educational accomplishment-in-progress: I've chosen a graduate school and program, and have finished 90% of my application. The accomplishment of actually applying will have to go on 2011's list.
Artistic accomplishmentette (a little accomplishment): I've continued to draw and paint, and I attended multiple--not single--multiple--art sessions with artistically inclined friends.
Philanthropic accomplishment: I began donating to charities in earnest, with planned purpose. I've succeeded in getting at least some of my friends/family to donate to charity instead of giving me presents for birthdays/holidays.

Of course not EVERYTHING was an accomplishment. My partner went through some significantly rough professional times that has added a lot of stress to our otherwise blissful romance. I had a falling out with some family members that has created a rift wider than I like to think about. I still find myself scattered among too many desires and pleasures, and still don't know exactly how to spend my time and energy. I am still struggling with spiritual and religious questions.

But I know that 2010 was a stepping stone for even better things to come. This is my last year as a 20-something, and I feel like I have the whole world to look forward to.

Ahh! Bag Monsters!

2010-12-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

This has a little of everything I love: random public art, trash recycled as awesomeness, monsters.

Real Vodka Sauce

2010-12-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

The infused vodkas are coming along wonderfully! You can probably tell the green one has bell peppers in it. It's going to be a spicy, peppery, bloody mary vodka. It wasn't spicy enough yesterday, so I added a few slivers of cherry bomb peppers. Here's hoping it's still drinkable by the time I get home tonight!

The bell pepper flavor was strong enough, however, so I removed all the bell peppers from the mix. I couldn't bring myself to throw them out, so I decided to turn them into a sauce. I cooked them for 20 minutes, and the taste of the vodka was still EXTREMELY evident. This might be why! So I continued to cook the heck out of them for another 30 minutes. After that, they tasted delectable. I added a can of fire-roasted tomatoes, some chicken broth, red wine, italian spices, and two bay leaves. I served the whole mixture over rigatoni and mm mmm good.

Tonight, I'm going to see what's going on with the vodka-soaked butternut squash...

Recipe: Ricotta Custard Dessert

2010-12-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

I had half a tub of ricotta cheese leftover after making kluegel for Hanukkah, and wanted to make some dessert to follow up our tilapia dinner on Friday night. I threw this together with ingredients I happened to have around, and it was deeeliiiciioouuuus--rich, aromatic, subtle, warm.

Makes 2 romantic servings, best enjoyed fireside.

Ingredients:

8oz ricotta cheese

2 eggs, separated

4 T sugar, separated into 2 T (add more to taste)

1 pinch saffron

1-2 pinches rosemary

whipped cream (optional)

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
In one bowl, mix together ricotta cheese, egg yolks, 2 T sugar, saffron, and rosemary
In another bowl, use electric mixer or wisk to whip egg whites and remaining 2 T sugar
Gently fold egg white mixture into ricotta mixture
Pour into a greased loaf pan
Bake for 30-35 minutes; custard is done when a knife inserted into center comes out clean
Serve with a dollop of whipped cream hot out of of the oven, or refrigerate to serve cold

Do the Christmas Wrap

2010-12-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

I’m wrappin presents in the present, my sense of what you wanted so prescient. Just call me Santa Baby. They be lazy with the gift bags. I be puttin creases in my paper, my wrappin dapper as Don Draper—but with bows, not booze (that’s for Christmas Eve). If you believe in Santa, don’t hit snooze in the morning. Stop snoring, and come open what I gotchu. I’ma watchu light up like a Christmas tree with glee. You and me are family. Merry Christmas. Do the Christmas Wrap.

Christmas Presents in Production

2010-12-13T17:00:00.000-08:00

Infusing vodkas. More details after Christmas, so I don't spoil anyone's surprise...

Are You Finished Your Holiday Shopping?

2010-12-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am.

What about you? Still looking for something that hard-to-shop-for black sheep in your family? Four of you might luck out with the last of the items in my shop.

The Cold Sting of Rejection

2010-12-09T10:35:00.001-08:00

In college, Madison Smartt Bell talked to us about growing rhinoceros skin. It's the tough hide you need to deal with rejection after rejection. Rejection can seriously throw your mind into some strange mental loops. I've been through it most potently with short stories, which I've submitted to both large and teeny venues. When you get rejected over and over again, even an acceptance is tinged with negativity. You go all Groucho Marx and think, "It's obvious I suck. If this magazine accepted me, they must suck, too. I can only get published in a sucky magazine." It's a vicious cycle (circle?) of negativity that you can only overcome through blatant mental combat against yourself.

With firm consistency, your cold, hard, calculating sensible brain must remind your mercurial, sensitive, easily bruised ego the following:

1. Rejection does not (necessarily) mean your stuff is bad. Agents, as one example, can get up to and over 10,000 queries a year. You might have gotten to a cranky, sleepy agent before they had their coffee. You might have named your romantic lead Bob, and a guy named Bob just dumped your reader. Maybe the press only buys one fantasy per year, and they just inked that deal yesterday.Wrong time, wrong place type thing. It's not you, it's them.

2. Rejection is good because it means you have something to submit. That is an enormous accomplishment in itself. Print those rejections out and stick them to your wall like badges of honor. That's what I do. That's what the King used to do, too.

3. Rejection doesn't cost as much as it used to. Not too many years ago, you'd have to print out your whole darn 350-page MS and snail mail it to an agency or press, hearing the little "cha-ching cha-ching" every time you went to the post office. Email is on top now, and while it allows for faster rejections, it also allows for faster "let me see some more"s--and it saves the starving novelist time and money.

4. There are other fish in the publishing sea. You don't have to give up until you've approached all of them. If you get good feedback, make some revisions and feel free to approach them all again in 6 months. And if you're still not getting the bites, remember...

5. ... Self-publishing has lost a lot of its stigma. Lulu.com and CreateSpace are pretty writer-friendly ventures, especially if you have some friends who are handy with InDesign or copy-editing. You can also VERY cheaply make your own e-book and sell it on Amazon for a whopping 70% royalty. That's a pretty amazing fall-back plan that is new for this generation of writers.

Myself, I've put out some early feelers: 6 queries to agents so far. I'm still tinkering with the end, after which I'll buy my membership to Writers Market and execute my full-out plan. I've gotten 2 rejections so far. They weren't easy. Form rejections, they made me second guess EVERYTHING about my book.

But it's time for third guesses and second chances.

Well, Hello There

2010-12-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

Boy, when I said "off for a while" I didn't exactly mean 8 months. But I'll tell you, it has been a MEAN 8 months. I've been extremely busy at my Clark Kent job, i.e. Proposal Manager Extraordinaire. So busy, in fact, that I become accredited by the Association of Proposal Management Professionals and had my first speaking engagement as such a professional, delivering tips on how to make your proposal more compelling through using Win Themes.

I'll bet you had no idea that I'm, like, an actual corporate professional with credentials and stuff. My proposals do not have two-heads.

So what else? I finally got off my butt and finished my novel, using NaNoWriMo as an excuse. I was about 25k away from finishing the draft, and wrote those words during the first 2 weeks of NaNoWriMo. Then VOILA! I had a complete draft. Holy $#!+!. It's the first and only full-length novel I've ever completed, ever written the words "the end" for. Even though I can really now call myself a writer, I don't have words to describe the feeling of that accomplishment. I'll save that for another post.

I am currently 75% completed with revisions and polishing. I have a completed synopsis and a query letter, which has been submitted as chum for the Query Shark. I will shortly be commencing the full-blow, ego-crushing foray into the Agent Submission Process, and guess where I'll keep you up to date?

Right here, where I write here.

Off for a While

2010-03-02T12:55:00.001-08:00

Hello lovelies. I am leaving for vacation tomorrow evening, going to Ireland with my partner and my family. I am a big miffed that I can take neither felting needles, nor sewing needles, nor knitting needles on the plane. I had planned to start and maybe even finish a two-headed fox plush, but I suppose I will relegate my racing brain to reading, crossword puzzles, and additional attempts at illustration that vary in degree of success.

But anyway, this is just a note that my shop will be closed for the duration of the vacation and perhaps for some time after that, while I clarify what it is I am doing with it. I have been marketing somewhat furiously, to positive results, but have found myself low on inventory. Again. I would sort of like to plan some great big re-opening after I have boxfulls of plushes to list. But I also sort of know I may never have boxfulls of plushes. I'm also not sure I'd be able to sell boxfulls. I understand that my niche is very, very small, especially if I continue to make what *I* like (and why wouldn't I continue that?). I sell things that people don't need. I sell things that are weird. My work isn't cheap, either, because of how labor intensive it is. None of these things lends itself to me quitting my day job.

I'm also considering converting my shop to 100% charity--as in all proceeds (after my supplies are covered) go to a good cause. I don't make things for money; I make them because I have to. I think I might feel less gross about all the marketing and shilling I do for myself if it wasn't actually for myself.

Ah, so many thoughts going through my head. We'll see where this head is after I return from the Emerald Isle.

I Drew a Bunch of Pictures Last Night

2010-02-25T06:10:00.001-08:00

I have this concept. I'm not ready to talk about it yet. But here are some concept drawings. We'll see where it goes...

Really? Only a Week?

2010-02-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

So it’s, like, National Grammar Week, or something. Actually, I think it's just a day (March 4) but some of us want to squeeze as much blood from this stone as possible by letting loose our inner snarky grammar Nazis, guilt-free, for seven days.

This means I may admonish the improperness of all manner of commonly overlooked (even accepted) lingual misfires, while simultaneously retaining the lexical superiority (like moral superiority, but nerdier) and keen sense of ironicalness that affords me the right to use the interjection “like” and unnecessary dependent clause “or something” purposely without shame or regret. I can write overly purple sentences that are 54 words long and perfect in their grammar and punctuation, and look haughty while doing it, even though that sort of thing would make me an asshole during any other week.

Oh English, how I love thee. Let me count the ways in which I am annoyed by hearing you come out of others’ mouths.

For the purposes of this writing, I will stick only to my pet peeves with hard and fast rules—which consist mostly of word confusion. I have my thoughts on the Oxford comma, whether the period goes inside or outside of quotation marks, and just how many commas is too many; but, since those issues can be argued either way with equal validity, I’ll just tell you what you have been doing categorically wrong. Clean up your act, folks. Use words correctly and gain the benefit of looking down your nose at most everyone around you!

The following pairs of words do not mean the same thing and may not be used interchangeably.

Further and farther. Further describes an increase in the degree of something, usually intangible. Farther describes actual or abstract distance. Remember it as farther is “more far.”

a. In order to give further thought to this issue, let me go farther down the hall to Mike’s office.
I.e. and e.g. “I.e.” is the Latin abbreviation for id est. It means “that is.” The noun phrase that precedes “i.e.” is an example of the noun phrase that comes after it. “E.g.” is Latin for exempli gratia. It means “for example.” The noun phrase that follows “e.g.” is an example of the noun phrase that precedes it. Remember it is “in essence” and “example given.”

a. I love unicorns, phoenixes, and griffins, i.e., mythical creatures.
b. None of my favorite animals actually exists, e.g., unicorns.
Less and fewer. This can be confusing because both words have the same antonym: more. Less should be used when describing the amount of a concept that typically is not broken into smaller parts, such as “money” or “time” or “intelligence.” Fewer should be used when describing the quantity of something that can be broken down into discrete parts or increments, such as “dollars” or “minutes” or “remarks.” Remember this by thinking "fewer has fewer s's in it, so use it with words that end in s."

a. I bought the new Joanna Newsom album today, so I have less money than I had yesterday.
b. I have 25 fewer dollars in my bank account.
c. My best friend’s new boyfriend has less intelligence than her last one, and he certainly doesn’t make any fewer misogynistic remarks.
That or who. This may not be immediately evident as a pair of commonly confused words, but you probably do it unwittingly all the time. “I’m the girl that you want to have proofread your English papers,” is wrong in two ways. First, it is grammatically incorrect; second, she’s not someone you want proofreading your papers if she makes mistakes like that.

The correct sentence is, “I’m the girl who you want….” Stylistically, however, it flows better just to take out the word altogether: “I’m the girl you want….” Remember that people are people, not objects. They are “whos” not “thats.” Here's a better example:

a. What’s the name of the person who wrote this blog? Elly Zee, and don't you forget it.
In the same vein, who or whom. They really are different, dearies. People who say “whom” are not just trying to be pretentious. One is a subject; one is an object. Remember by using “whom” whenever you would use “them” or “him” or "me." The m’s are there to remind you.

a. If you were starving on a desert island, whom would you eat first? I wouldn’t eat them because they are too skinny, but I would definitely try a taste of him. I sure hope they don't eat me.

This is just a sampling of what I wanted to get off my chest. If I think of more (which I will), I’ll probably just roll my eyes when you aren’t looking rather than correct you to your face (or in a blog). In the meantime, though, check out these two great grammar websites:

http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/index.html - Jack Lynch elegantly lays the hammer down in a way that will make your writing stronger and better. I don't even know him, but I have a total brain-crush on him.

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/nonerrors.html - This site will confuse everything you think you know about correct grammar, and thus keep you humble.

See how humble I am?

Work in Progress: Crock and Allie!

2010-02-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping to get these darlings finished and in the store before I leave for Ireland in a week. A week!!

Needlefelting 101

2010-02-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

My first video! The first of many, I hope. I had a superfun time making this.

This is an introduction to needlefelting--how and why it works, what you can do with it, and a brief demonstration of how to do it. Enjoy!

The Beautiful Truth

2010-02-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

I haven’t written in a long time.

I mean, yeah, I’ve written. I write every day. I’m a professional writer; I write proposals and manage communications for a small government contractor in Maryland. I even blog most days anymore.

But I mean wriiiiite. Fiction. It has always been, and always will be, my passion.

I lost my passion for writing briefly this past fall, when I was pulled into a three-month-long work project in Houston (which I’m sure I’ll get around to explaining one of these days) that zapped the living energy out of me, and left me with a wicked psychological hangover. I didn't do anything creative for quite a while after the project ended. (Mostly, I drank.)

But I was recently inspired. I had some way or another missed the previous two Three-Minute Fiction contests, but thanks to being a fan of NPR on Facebook, I got an early heads up this time around.

Stories for this round are supposed to be inspired by the rather uninspiring photograph they have on their website. It’s basically an open newspaper on a table inside a café, with the reflection in the café window of a man walking. So I looked at the photo for a while and thought about what it meant to me. I came up with a concept and let it roll around in my head for a while.

When I got off work, I started to write. I figured I’d get a few sentences down and see if they worked. That’s all you can really do when you’re starting.

I wrote four terrible sentences about a completely trite situation of a down-on-his-luck man in a coffee shop having a heart-to-heart with a bedraggled but kindhearted waitress. It may or may not have included wordplay surrounding the terms “sole custody” and “soul custody.” Ick.

So I left the file on my screen and got in the shower. That’s where the magic happens—and I don’t just mean getting clean. I’ve had nearly all my clearest and most powerful moments of inspiration when I’m either asleep or showering. It’s unsurprising; I know of many writers who have cited shower inspiration. You’re relaxed in the hot water, alone (ostensibly), naked (hopefully), and the shower is one of the few places in the world where you usually can’t be distracted by technology or media. (You’re not taking a magazine in there with you, and even crackberry addicts leave their devices outside the falling water.) These are perfect conditions for the freewheeling thought that leads to lightning bolts of inspiration.

It worked. I had a beginning, middle, and end; a moody setting; and two clear characters, as well as a third off-screen character who would be neatly summed up in one line of dialogue. I retained the central conflict from the original man-waitress failure.

I wrapped myself in a towel, sat down at my computer, and wrote the entire story from beginning to end before I even dried off.

For 3-minute fiction, you only have 600 words to work with (about a single-spaced page), so you have to be absolutely tight with every word. My first draft ran exactly 600 words. I did an immediate revision, making several changes, and still ended up at exactly 600 words. This was it. This story came out of me almost fully formed. Every word meant something more than just describing what was happening. The dialogue informed, entertained, and revealed character. The bare setting told a year’s worth of history without exposition. I even played around with some internal rhyme, alliteration, and rhythm, because I just dig that stylistic stuff.

If I sound like I am bragging, I am—it’s myself telling myself, “Nice job, sport.” I'm a writer for crying out loud. I need that confidence boost once in a while.

I got a second confidence boost when I sent the story to my uber-critical partner, (to whom I don’t show ANYTHING), and he said, “I like it.” (And he doesn’t like anything.) He made a few suggestions about punctuation (we’re both total punctuation nerds; I’m currently reading Dash of Style), but that’s it.

I had a total writer’s high.

Careful, however, not to ride that high to my own detriment, I put the story away until the next day. I pulled it out and read it again. It sang, just like before. I submitted it immediately before I had a chance to second-guess what I'd done and rework it into a hollow shell of its former self.
We’ll see what happens. I’m not confident in my chances of actually winning. The evaluation criteria for the contest include equal weighting for each “originality, creativity, humor, and quality of writing.” (I could write pages about my feelings on THAT bit of B.S…) Suffice it to say that my story is not funny, and it’s probably not all that original or creative. It’s just beautifully written. And it’s the truth. To me, that’s all successful fiction is: the beautiful truth.

So am I back in the saddle? I don’t know. I’m still in “art and craft mode” and I have quite a few unfinished projects that need tending before I start something new. My new “thing” is to finish projects I start. It’s going okay, and it’s narrowing my focus.

But whether or not I write anything more in the near future, it’s nice to know I still got it.

Call Me Hurley

2010-02-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

I don't believe in luck. But I'm starting to believe in bad luck.

Sunday, arrive at MoMA to discover Tim Burton exhibit--the reason for the trip--is sold out.
Sunday evening, realize we are short $2 for our cash-only tab at Katz's.
Their ATM is broken.
The line for the credit card check-out is enormous. Lady in front of Chris is apparently buying Sunday dinner for a family of 45. Slowly.
Miss bus home by 2 minutes. Watch it pull away.
Blessedly catch next bus. Can't sit with Chris. Overhead light is broken, so I have to sit in the dark for 4 hours with no one to talk to.
Arrive in Baltimore and realize we have to walk home because I forgot my parking garage ticket.
Monday, 8am, go to move my car from garage by 9am deadline and the battery is dead.
Monday night, Chris comes to jump my car; cables are too short. Luckily (!) a stranger arrives on the scene just in time.
Tuesday morning, battery has died again. Chris has already left for work. Stuck working from home for the sixth time in a row.
Wednesday morning, Chris comes to jump my car. He connects his battery to mine, and my doors lock automatically--with my keys inside.
Go back to Chris' for the spare key. Go to leave, but a car is stalled at the end of his alley, blocking our exit.
Finally make it back to my car, get it started. Realize I have almost no gas left.
Chris follows me to the gas station in case I need another jump. Rush hour: it takes 10 minutes to go the 2 blocks. We are both now officially late for work.
I phone in for my 9am conference call. Phone dies 20 minutes into the conversation.

That brings us to about now. Boy I hope it's over.

Mixed Blessing at MoMA

2010-02-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

After I heard about the Tim Burton exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art a few weeks back, I planned a trip with Chris to go to NYC this past weekend. I had earned a free hotel night from Choice Hotels after spending so much time in Houston this fall, and I found a hotel in SoHo, Manhattan where I could use my points. Chris suggested we take the Bolt Bus, which turns out to be less expensive than driving when you factor in gas and tolls. We never drive in NYC, so the bus really was the perfect option. And I would get to do a lot of sewing on the way up! The fact that it was Valentine's Day weekend was only incidental (we don't celebrate the commercialization of our relationship), but I completely forgot that it was also President's Day weekend. It didn't occur to me just how crowded the city--and MoMA--would be.

It turned out that Tim Burton was sold out for the weekend. Even after doing light research on the MoMA website, it was not obvious to me that we would need separate tickets to get in. There was no additional charge, so I thought we could just show up and go. Not so much.

I admit to crying for roughly 18 seconds when I saw the sign outside the museum that said, "Tim Burton exhibit is sold out for the day."

We decided to visit the museum anyway, since I had never been, and this turned out to be a mixed blessing. I was sad at missing the work of one of my major influences, but I do not regret getting to spend the time with some of the greatest pieces of modern art the world has to offer.

The greatest moments were seeing the major Rothko and Pollock works. They are simply astounding and breathtaking, especially if you stand close enough to them so that you can't see anything else in your field of vision. Seeing just two of these paintings was worth more than any number of pieces by anyone else--including the whole of the Burton exhibit.

However, the MoMA experience was a harrowing one; the museum is beyond crowded. Moreover, it is crowded with people who would rather have someone take a picture of them with a painting than actually look at it. It is crowded with people who think it is a good idea to snap a photo of Starry Night with their iPhone. It is crowded with people who are updating their Facebook status instead of capturing a sculpture on a sketch pad. The crowd at large made me feel sad for the state of humanity. Seriously, haven't these people heard of the internet? What were they trying to prove? It really is the epitome of narcissism if you think the only thing that can improve a photograph of a great work of art is you.

I admit to purposely walking in front of several people trying to take photographs. I also admit to purposely bumping several people, including the guy who stuck his blackberry in front of my face as I was trying to view The Persistence of Memory.

MoMA may have some of the greatest works available for viewing in the U.S., but I don't think the works on display are the singular experience a museum has to offer. I won't be going back anytime soon. I'll stick to the cavernous, relaxed, beautiful quiet of my neighborhood Walters Art Museum (which, incidentally, is free). I may have seen everything in it multiple times over, but I can walk to it and it is my favorite place in the city to just be.

From a Hole to a Hill

2010-02-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

I've written before about my struggles with debt and credit, and my attempts to remedy a screwed-up financial past. In a nutshell, at a bad point in my life, I got in over my head with debt. I once had my phone turned off and once had my ATM card eaten because I was so overdrawn on my bank account. I used to be ashamed to put those things out there for all to see, but I think more and more people are coming out of the "debt closet." And I see myself as a lesson others can learn.

I am proud and ecstatic to say that I have once and for all paid off all my unsecured debt.

While I still have a car loan (which I would label acceptable, typical debt), last month I wrote the last check to pay off the personal loan I had taken out to consolidate my credit card debt. The debt had been five figures. And it's all gone now!

I've been steadily paying on this loan for several years now. In the meantime, I got rid of all my credit cards, and got a new one with a tiny limit ($300) so I could work to rebuild my credit. I pay it off every month. I've also done a number of other things that years ago I never imagined I could accomplish:

I put 6% of my salary into a 401(k) plan.

I put an additional 3% of my take-home pay into a Roth IRA.

I put 10% of my take-home pay into an emergency fund.

I invested around a thousand dollars in the stock market shortly after the "crash" and have seen my money grow by 70%.

The best thing about having my debt paid off is that, instead of filling in a hole, I can start building up. I ran some numbers a little while ago. I do that when I'm either extremely worried about money or extremely excited. This time I am excited. This is what I realized:

If I take the monthly payment I had been making on my personal loan and now put it towards my car, I will pay off my car four years early. The interest I'll save is in the thousands.

When I pay off my car, I can put the combined loan-car payment into the bank each month (it's not like I'll miss the money; I've been writing it off for years). If I do that for three years after the car is paid off, I'll have enough money for the down payment on a house.

The down payment on a house. By myself. In the next five years. And I'm not talking about some 3% down payment for an FHA loan. I'm talking about 20%.

It's an almost unbelievable thought for me. I just want everyone who reads this (all four of you) that it can be done, with patience, dedication, and discipline. The rewards--financially, emotionally, spiritually--are great.

Progress on the WIP

2010-02-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

I'm still working on the Big Bad Wolf, and I just ordered new wool in case I run low. I've been watching The Prisoner with Chris, sewing and needling beside him on the couch. His cat is obsessed with the wool I'm using and takes every opportunity to bat at the pieces or steal them if he can.

I started with a wire armature skeleton: spine, ribs, and pelvis all attached together. The head is polymer clay and wool felted right onto the armature. I used a reclaimed wool sweater to cover the skeleton, like skin, and I stuffed it with polyfill guts. I'll now be able to felt directly into the wool "skin."

I've wet felted all four legs, and added the claws to the back paws. Last night I sewed the back legs onto the pelvis and added an additional armature to keep them stable and spread at the right width. I may walk down to Beadazzled this evening to pick up a few glass beads for the eyes.

More progress later...

Single Mother Discharged From Army for Refusing Deployment

2010-02-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

Single Mother Discharged From Army for Refusing Deployment

I do not know all the details of this story--just what is in the above-referenced article--and I will admit that upfront. However, based on the immediately apparent facts, I am highly disturbed by this. I do not fully understand why she was discharged. The Army is strapped for resources; I can't believe there are no open jobs domestically so that Pvt. Hutchinson could continue to serve, as well as care for her young son. The Army is so ...what, mad? that a single parent with no child care options would refuse to be deployed to a foreign war that they would discharge and demote her, as well as take away her benefits? Perhaps they don't want to set a precedent for other single parents using this as a "loop hole" to avoid deployment. I don't know.

I don't understand and will look forward to finding out details about this issue. On the surface however, it appears--once again--that the Army is an employer injurious to women, single parents, and families (not to mention individuals with whom it disagrees on personal and lifestyle issues). It is an organization that refuses to bend and grow. Ironically, the Army's "militancy" of its longstanding ways is going to catch up with the organization if it doesn't learn to modernize in a social way, the way it has modernized in a technological way.

...And boy are my arms tired!

2010-02-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

I just spent about an hour and a half digging my car out of the snow. I had not planned that. I went outside to mail off an Etsy purchase and noticed that the building snow shovel was available. (Living in an apartment in a city in the mid-Atlantic, I don't own a snow shovel. It would have been nice this year to have one of my own, instead of sharing one with seven floors of people....) I quickly nabbed it and thought I would put, oh say, 20 or so minutes of shoveling in--chipping away at the mess, so to speak. I'd done quite a bit of shoveling before the most recent blizzard, and figured 2 or 3 more stints would get me dug out.

As I was digging, a tow truck driver drove by, car in tow, and yelled out that he was towing all the cars on my street. Well, that's motivation for you. I started digging more sincerely, and with more of a plan. This relevation that Baltimore City was actually towing--and not just threatening it (as so many of us believed)--seemed really to freak people out and cause them to act somewhat irrationally. One woman was yelling and cussing at all the tow truck drivers who came by, as if it was there idea, as if the fact that she "got a baby" would make her exempt. One guy started digging out his car with what looked like an IKEA wastepaper can. I was somewhat crazy as well: thinking I'd only be out there for a bit, I was 1) not wearing a coat, and 2) not wearing waterproof boots.

Shoveling is hard work, so the coat part wasn't a problem--I warmed up quickly. But my feet got soaking wet. And once I dug my car out, I realized...I had to move it...to a garage...about 6 blocks away. So I got to walk quite a ways, sloshing with each step, and without a coat. I am so glad to be back inside, and be warm. And someone is going to get a piece of my mind if they try to charge me for parking in that garage.

Anyway, in light of my frozen tootsies, here are a few of my random thoughts and conclusions following the Double Blizzard of 2010:

1) Just because it is not 1996 anymore, do not forget that Dr. Martens are the best shoes. My trusty Docs were warmer, stayed drier, and had better traction than the stupid $60 knock-off-Ugg fur-lined mocassin boot things I bought for wearing in the snow this winter. These are the boots that just today left my feet completely soaking wet.

2) Apparently, there is piss EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. It really shows up quite boldly after a blizzard. I've never seen with my naked eye so much urine as I have the past two days. However, just because you can't see the yellow snow in the spring, that doesn't mean the pee isn't there.

3) The Federal Government does not have an adequate telework plan in place. My company--a small government contractor of about 150 people--has had its headquarter offices closed all week, and we have remained 100% functional because we have a sound emergency infrastructure. Apparently, the Government does not. They've been closed all week and they are not really doing anything. Also, they pay themselves, but they do not pay contractors. The whole time they've been closed, we have to eat the costs of paying our on-site employees.

4) People are different when it snows. They are friendlier, they work harder, and they are more communal than they are on a regular day. I was always surprised when I moved to the city that I would see so many people all the time, but no one ever said hello or acknowledged one another. So many alone people living altogether. The snow brought a senses of solidarity to the neighborhood. People helped one another, did kindnesses without recompense or even acknowledgement. It was kind of beautiful.

5) It's weird turning on a national radio station and remembering that it's not snowing everywhere else--only where you are. You realize how myopic weather can make you. Not only are you physically snowed in, but you can become mentally snowed in as well.

6) Don't put your rubber-soled boots on the radiator to dry them out. They will melt into the shape of the radiator. (Isn't that sort of how the Waffle Trainer was invented?)

7) If businesses in your neighborhood have endeavored to open despite the weather, you should patronize them if you can. Thank you, Brewer's Art, for delivering me the best burger in Baltimore after the chicken we had planned for dinner went bad and we couldn't get to a store. Don't forget the businesses that are not only there when you want them--but when you need them, too.

8) Snow can make you feel like a kid again. Nothing can compare with the nostalgic rush you get from jumping into a 4-foot drift of snow (even if a little does get inside your pants because you didn't have your mom to properly dress you).

9) Plastic bags inside your shoes are still not cool, but they still work as good as ever. Thanks, Mom.

10) When you're walking through knee-high snow having all sorts of deep thoughts about the weather, write them down, or your blog will prematurely end.

How You Like Me Now

2010-02-08T11:47:00.001-08:00

I only watched the SuperBowl for the commercials. How trite, right? Hey, whatever. Once the Ravens were out of it, I mostly tuned out of NFL and back into LOST. There was, of course, half-hearted rooting for the Saints (it WAS a feel-good moment for the country at large, I think), more than half-hearted rooting against the Colts, and that still lingering bittersweet tugging on the heart strings whenever I see that cutie-kicker-gone-bye-bye, Mr. Automatic Matt Stover. But mostly I focused on my craft project at hand during the game, and tuned my attention in only for the commercials.

And I was rewarded for my ad-centric focus, ironically, by mass misogyny, sexism, and male stereotyping so blatant that it made my boyfriend and I simul-cringe. Thanks, NFL, for alienating women even more, while alienating men as well.

Anyway, a few notes: The Google ad gave me a little lump in my throat, and my eyes did glisten a bit. BF pretended not to see. The Trebow ad was completely innocuous, which proved to be brilliant for their campaign. I had been mad--for good reason--at the idea of it, but I found the execution A-OK. And finally, the Kia Sorento ad was hands-down best in my book. And not only because of the sock monkey getting a tattoo sewn-on (which made me squee like a true stuffie-maker).

SnowMFG

2010-02-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

I will resist the term "Snowpocalypse" as long as I can. It's not terrifying. It's not the end of the world. But it is pretty freaking annoying. I was out trying to shovel my car out, but the jerk who parked in front of me shoveled out first, left, then came back...parking only inches from my bumper. So I would have to shovel out the back of my car, and back up before I could even know where I could pull out. The second annoyance was where to put the snow. It seems no matter where you shovel it, you know you're just going to be shoveling that same snow again later. You're basically just moving the same snow around to different places. The third pain-in-the-youknowwhat is knowing that once you get your car relatively clear, the snow plow is going to come down the road and block you in again. The only real solution is just to wait for it to melt. Thankfully I'm parked on the sunny side of the street....

I've been holed up at my boyfriend's apartment, watching movies and working on my Big Bad Wolf project. It's coming along quite nicely, and I might even finish it before the weekend ends.

Oh yeah, and there's that Superbowl thing tonight. I can't wait for the commercials.

Ask, Tell

2010-02-03T15:02:00.001-08:00

I would be remiss in my duties as an outspoken liberal if I didn't at least contribute four brain cells and a few paragraphs to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell debate.

1) Everyone in the military has to serve beside someone else who may make them "uncomfortable," whether that is because of their race, gender, athletic prowess, political views, religious views, height, eye color, etc. Sexuality isn't a special facet of the human composition that deserves special consideration. It's just another trait.

2) The U.S. military is supposed to be an organization comprising the most professional, dedicated, trained individuals in world. If someone isn't professional enough, dedicated enough, or trained enough to separate the job at hand from their own issues with someone else's sexuality, perhaps it is that person who should be discharged. The person who is going to compromise the mission is not the non-heterosexual.

3) To people who say "it is not the right time," your logic would dictate that it is never the right time. If not now, when? Some unforeseen future is not an acceptable answer. When has the U.S. military ever been just hanging out, not doing a whole hell of a lot?

4) The proponents of the policy do not have reasons for it, only excuses. No excuse is powerful enough to undermine this bottom line: The policy is bigoted, ignorant, discriminatory, unethical, unconstitutional, and has no precedent. It is absolutely unacceptable for a country like America in a year like 2010.

If you truly want to be repulsed by the representatives of the WRONG side of the debate, check out this bigot, who, frighteningly enough, is a member of Congress.

Stop hating. Just stop. If you don't even understand what you're talking about, just shut up.

Scarlet O'Hare - Altered Art Doll

2010-02-02T07:05:00.001-08:00

Scarlet O'Hare - Altered Art Doll
Originally uploaded by Elly Zee

The idea of Scarlet O’Hare came from the dress. I was in the Goodwill in Bel Air, standing in the checkout line, and this gorgeous/hideous doll caught my eye from across the store. It stood about 18” high, and was at least half again as wide. The doll’s head was as creepy as any doll’s head is (uncanny valley, anyone?), with horrible hair and soulless eyes. But the dress was pretty stunning. I had been needlefelting a lot lately, and was in the midst of a mild rabbit obsession. I almost immediately pictured a beautiful white hare in the dress.

Within a few days, I purchased the black glass beads for the eyes and had needlefelted the shape of the head in white merino and added some black and pink detailing around the eyes with alpaca wool. She didn’t have ears, whiskers, or a mouth yet. This was probably two years ago. Then I put the head somewhere, moved twice, and almost forgot about it, except when I would open my storage closet and see the gigantic doll with the creepy eyes sitting up on a high shelf.

Over the weekend, I resolved that finishing this doll would be the next thing I did. I spent a few hours during Saturday’s LOST marathon working on the ears. It is really difficult to get an ear to the right shape and size, with enough leftover wool to attach it to the head. It’s doubly difficult to make a second one exactly like it. Then last night, I watched Confessions of a SuperHero and finished the facial features, including nylon thread whiskers, and the paws. Attaching the finished features was a lot easier than I had expected it to be, and I think the finished product looks pretty organic.

I’m so happy to get an image out of my head and out into the real world and have it look like I pictured it. It doesn’t always work that way. Here’s to another finished project!

Old New Short Fiction

2010-02-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

Since I had lapsed so long in keeping up this blog, I have a lot to catch up on. The invisible silent audience of people who care deeply about the goings-on of my life (didn't we call them "imaginary friends" in grade school?) have missed out on quite a bit. Here's something pretty significant: I was published on an online literary magazine called why vandalism?.

Check it out here. It's called "Fixed."

Be warned: it has curse words and sex and stuff.

Currently Being Stabbed

2010-01-31T10:26:00.001-08:00

Needlefelted Hare Head
Originally uploaded by Elly Zee

In process. I'm replacing the human features of a doll I have with hare features...

Keep Regretsy Pure

2010-01-31T09:20:00.000-08:00

I had the good fortune of finally finding out about Regretsy.com from my friend Kelly at the Stitch n Bitch the other week. It's kind of funny that I was such an early adopter of Etsy.com but so late to find out about this brilliant non-parody parody. If you haven't checked it out, it's worth an hour or two of your time just to hunt around and laugh out loud. Basically, the site finds those crafts listed on Etsy that are a little too clever (to the point of being ridiculous or stupid), or that look like they were made by your 4-year old--just the stuff you can't believe someone thinks they can get money for.

The thing that disappoints me, however, is that there seems to be this movement starting of "regretsy-inspired" items on Etsy. "Regretsy" is even becoming more of a common tag on Etsy. People are purposely putting up crap, because they think it's funny... as if Etsy isn't crowded enough without this going on. It's completely against the spirit of both sites, and I am disappointed at the crafters who would get on that ride.

If you are a skilled artisan and can make beautiful objects that people want, that's what you should do. If you are making crap and are self-aware enough to label it "regretsy-inspired," just stop. You're not doing anyone any favors. Leave Regretsy for the completely unaware--that's what will keep it funny, and that's what will keep Etsy honest.

Stephen Colbert Hates Bears

2010-01-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

I bought this gigantic stuffed bear at Goodwill for $5, intending to reverse taxidermy it and use the fur for other projects. Fur fabric is 'spensive, for one, and for two, it's not green to keep fabricating new things from new materials--so I often purchase old stuffies on the cheap and use their hides.

But this guy grew on me. I let him ride around in the back seat of my car for a while, and I would eye him in the rearview mirror, picturing what I was going to do to his face with scissors and a sewing machine. I started to feel guilty. Now he's sitting in my bedroom looking all cute, and I wasn't sure I'd have the heart to cut him all up.

Then I saw (NSFW) this. And now I'm kind of uncomfortable having him in my bedroom...possibly thinking dirty thoughts. Thanks, Regretsy.

He's getting cut up.

Nevermore

2010-01-29T08:20:00.000-08:00

Today is the 165th anniversary of the publication of "The Raven." That poem has been one of my greatest inspirations. Anyone who knows my writing knows I am a hardcore formalist, and I find the internal mechanics of The Raven to be astounding. The meter is precise. The rhyme scheme, both internal and end, is cyclical and haunting without being repetitive or grating.

I admit I probably heard it read out loud one too many times while I participated in Forensics in high school. But listening to Vincent Price read it brings the magic back.

There Must Be Something in the Water

2010-01-29T06:53:00.001-08:00

All my baby birds keep hatching with two heads...

Feng Sew

2010-01-28T08:52:00.001-08:00

New View of My Work Area
Originally uploaded by Elly Zee

I’ve never put much stock in the whole Feng Shui thing, but I am now a believer that the arrangement of your room can affect your energy. Since I moved into my apartment in August of 08, my bedroom has been arranged exactly the same way. Sometime in 2009 (probably around NaNoWriMo time), I bought myself a desk, so I could really hunker down on my writing.

The desk promptly became a dumping ground for all manner of mail, clothes, paperwork, and anything I needed to get out of the way. My cats also liked to lay on it, so it was usually covered in fur, too.

Meanwhile, my dining room table had my sewing machine on it. Every time I wanted to dine on the table, I had to take down the sewing machine and set up the placemats and settings. Every time I wanted to sew, I had to move all the dining accoutrement (usually onto the desk…). It was becoming annoying. I stopped sewing so much. I started eating at the coffee table.

One day a few weeks ago, right after I’d scheduled the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch, I started thinking hard about how my apartment would look to a strange—especially to a stranger of the crafty mindset. And I realized it was set up all wrong for my needs.

The desk was in the darkest corner of my room, against a wall, with nothing pretty to look at. It was too close to the bedroom door, which could never fully open, and also too close to the front door, where I would enter looking to plop down my mail, laundry, or purchase on the nearest flat surface.

My bed was in the middle of the room, sticking out into the biggest space I have in the whole apartment, cutting it in half, and making either side of the room basically useless.

By the bedroom window, in the sunniest, prettiest area of the whole room, was a loveseat that I never sit on. It looks nice aesthetically (except when it’s covered in laundry), but I don’t sit around in my bedroom; I sit in my living room.

Because my desk was all but useless, my dining room table had become the only place to sit and sew or sit and type. But it, too, was in a dark area facing a wall. Nice for a romantic dinner; not pleasant for sewing curtains.

None of this made sense. Thankfully, the answers were all simple.

I moved the loveseat to the living room. It effectively “cuts off” my living room from my dining room. They are really the same room, but with the visual barrier of the loveseat, it’s like I now have a living room AND a dining room. It also gave me more seating for having lots of guests over (like the 11 people I was expecting for Stitch n Bitch).

I moved the desk to where the loveseat had been. Now I had the sun streaming in through the window and it immediately increased the energy level around the desk—as well as my desire to sit at it for long periods of time. I arranged a table behind it that could hold my printer when I was printing, or hold the new light box I had constructed for taking photographs. The light box needed to be near the window to catch the sunlight, and this was the perfect place. The desk was also now too far away to be a convenient place to stash any odds or ends. It now only holds crafting supplies and papers having to do with my creative writing.

Then, I moved my bed to where my desk used to be. The dark corner of a room is the best place for a bed—the place you want the darkest. I’m also loathe to stash anything on my bed, so it’s okay that it’s near the front door. It also leaves the middle of my room wide open. This makes me feel less cramped, but also provides a lot of floor space for laying out large pieces of material. I was also prompted to call my landlord and have her fix the light fixture in the middle of the room that had been broken for the better part of 2009—I suddenly needed it.

Since I’ve done this rearrangement, I’ve done more sewing, crafting, marketing, writing, and work than I ever had. I’m not drawn to the couch because I don’t feel like cleaning off the desk. I’m drawn to the sunny, organized creative nook I’ve made for myself.

There are additional notes on Flickr.

Paper Work

2010-01-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

This morning, I had an interesting run-in with Kamal, a cashier at my local 7-eleven. I was getting my coffee and doughnut (I know, bad Elly), and a gatorade to counteract the t00-much-wine last night, and he asked me, "Are you going to work?" Still wearing my heels and nylons from last night, yes, it probably looked as though I was going to work. I said, "I am working from home today." He laughed and said, "Free, right?"

This is where the conversation proceeded to break down. I thought "working from home" was self-evident. I work in an office, and one day a week (most weeks), I get to work from home. I have a long commute (26 miles each way), so working from home saves me a bit of money and saves the planet a tiny bit.

"Free, right?" Well, no, I'm not free. I have to work. So I say, "No, not today. I have to work."

"Work at home is free, right?"

"No, I get paid," I say cautiously...

"It's not free?"

"Well, freer than ususal"... meaning I get to wear my pajamas all day and can turn on a movie in the background--I'm not free to do that at the office. I still can't parse where he's going with this--what was probably meant to be lighthearded cashier banter.

Kamal gives me a strange look. "Two free days to work at home."

Ooooh, I get it. He means the weekend. I think? "No, I work in an office, but they let me work at home one day a week. They pay me, but I have to work."

He looks VERY confused, then says, "Paperwork?"

I'm not about to try to explain my job to him, so I just nod and say, "Yes, paperwork. I write." I thank him for the coffee and head home.

During the rest of my walk, I start to think about our conversation. This is not the first time I've had a conversation with Kamal during which we were both talking about different things. I finally concluded that when I said work at home, he must have thought I mean housework, which is, of course, unpaid.

When he said paperwork, I suppose that is how he differentiates labor work from office work. It's kind of funny (or pathetic) how so many of us folks with office jobs complain about the "work." It's not work, really. It's certainly not breaking rocks or digging ditches (which I spent 10 days doing over the summer...more on that later). It's not standing on your feet all day dealing with assholes at the 7-eleven. It's shuffling papers. It's paperwork.

It's thin, it's flimsy, it's light. It's paper work.

Return of the Two-Headed Chick

2010-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

I spent Saturday morning finishing up this custom order, then spent Saturday afternoon dyeing wool to make a new version of one of my all-time favorite creations.

If you've never dyed your own wool, it's actually really fun and easy. I use Kool-Aid--it's fast, cheap, easy, clean, and I can get a variety of bright colors. (Please keep in mind, though, the dyeing I do is for artwork, not for wearables, so I don't know how Kool-Aid holds up in the laundry....)

I had plain white merino wool that I'd bought last year at the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. I love this wool. I recently used it to spin some beautiful thick-and-thin yarn. It's actually a little too soft and smooth to be a great felting wool, but thankfully, the dyeing process seems to "open" up the fiber shaft and, afterward, it felts like a dream.

To get the pale yellow I needed for the new chick, I chose lemonade. You need about one packet per ounce of wool per quart of water.

I put two packets of lemonade into a large pot of cold water and added the wool, gently pushing it down into the dye bath. Then I cranked up the heat and brought the mixture to a boil, letting it boil for about 10 minutes. Be careful not to agitate the wool during this point (like I did) or it will start to felt in the dye bath. This turned out to be okay for my purposes, but it would not be okay if I was planning to spin.

After the wool has "cooked," it will have sucked up all the dye, and the bath will be clear water. I placed the wool in a colander and rinsed with cold water. Because Kool-Aid is technically a food dye, it's okay to use kitchen utensils.

Last step is drying. I hung it in my shower, and it was dry and ready to use in a matter of hours.

This is the final product, currently for sale in my Etsy store. Last time I made a chick like this, I had the most trouble making the legs and getting it to stand upright with good structural integrity. This time, I circumvented that by having it sit right in an egg! I found these beautiful fake plastic eggs at JoAnn's that actually look like real eggs. The base is a dab of spackling squeezed through a pastry tip.

Stitch 'n' Bitch

2010-01-22T07:22:00.000-08:00

I hosted my first Stitch 'n' Bitch last night, and it was a total success! It all started when an old high school acquaintance asked me for a how-to-knit book recommendation. I realized that it's so much easier to learn from a person than a book, so I decided why not get some ladies together for a knitting circle type thing?

Turned out that a lot more friends than I knew were into "thread- and yarn-based arts." A total of 11 people RSVPed for the event (I was afraid I'd run out of chairs!), and 5 people showed up to my place last night. The coolest thing about it was that everyone was doing something different. Stef was cross-stitching, Meg was needlepointing, Kelly was crocheting, Jes was knitting, Jesse was pinning patterns, and I was sewing. To me, that means we all have a unique "specialty" so we have something to teach each other, and lots of people to learn from. I got to demonstrate needlefelting and spinning, as well as show off some of my final products.

To me, this was such a great event because I got to socialize (with wine!) with a bunch of great ladies--but also be productive at the same time. No wonder knitting circles and quilting bees are such a longstanding tradition!

Back in Action!

2010-01-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

I spent nearly all of my autumn working on a major work project in Houston, TX. I'm just starting to recover from weeks on end of 14-hour days. What's proven to be the best medicine? Making. I have a sewing machine, a digital camera, free time in the evenings, and more motivation than ever. Ellyzee.etsy.com is back and open for business!

A Brief Commentary on my Previous Tax Post

2008-04-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

I know I posted all that without supporting my negative opinion of the taxes. So here's a very, very brief commentary.

1) They are not all bad. I will support any increase in tobacco taxes simply because, come on: quit already, you douche. You're killing yourself. It's a deterrant tax, and that's okay with me. Simimlarly, I support taxes that help balance out environmental impact.

But many of these are excessive, inappropriate taxes for taxes' sake. I agree with Lisa: you want to tax gastric bypass surgery? How about putting an extra tax on trans-fat containing food, instead? (deterrant tax)

2) They just raised our sales tax by 20%. That wasn't enough?

3) The Maryland State Legislature has been debating naming a state dessert.

Maryland State Legislature, don't you dare add more taxes so you and your wankerous companions can charge the state $17,184 a day to debate cake.

Simultaneously, another bill argues that 31 percent of Marylanders get no exercise, that almost a quarter of the state's adults are rated as obese, and that designating walking as the state exercise would help promote a healthy lifestyle. Um, how about not designating a state dessert then??

This is the bullshit they're spending our tax dollars on.

Until they come up with better ways to spend my money, I'm going to continue to begrudge giving it to them.

The MD State Legislature is Screwing Up

2008-04-25T10:38:00.001-07:00

Taxes, Taxes, and More Taxes (2008 Edition)

From The Maryland Republican Party Research Department Visit the MDGOP Web site (

www.mdgop.org

)

During the 2007 Special Session, Democrats pushed through the largest tax hike in Maryland history.

Now, in the 2008 Session, they have found even more ways to take hard-earned money from working families. If the Democrats are successful, the government would start taxing teeth whitening, laser eye surgery, body piercing, and eight other services. Consumers would be required to pay more for heating and cooling systems for their homes, tires for their cars, and premiums for their health insurance due to new taxes. Democrats have even reintroduced legislation to take the balance from gift certificates and gift cards if consumers do not use them.

With gas prices on the rise, another hike in electric rates expected this summer, and the cost of consumer goods at all-time highs, working families need relief – not more taxes

Following is a list of new taxes being contemplated during the 2008 Session. Names in parenthesis represent the sponsors of the respective bills.

Income and Consumption Taxes

State Income Tax Surcharge

– SB 1004 (Jones)

a) Increases the highest state income tax bracket from 5.5% to 6.5%

b) About $231.8 million in new taxes expected in the first year

State Income Tax Surcharge

- HB 737 (Elliott, et al)

a) Imposes a state income tax surcharge of $1,000 per single and $2,000 per couple for not having health care insurance, if the person’s income is at least $50,000 ($100,000 for couples)

b) About $43.2 million in new taxes expected in the first year

Hotel Tax

- HB 178 (Barve, et al)/SB 131 (King, et al)

a) Authorizes municipalities to impose a maximum 2% hotel tax

b) Additional $3.2 million in taxes expected per year

Alcohol Tax Increase

- HB 904 (Gutierrez, et al)

a) More than doubles alcohol tax from $1.50 to $3.50 for distilled spirits, $0.40 to $1.00 for wine, and $0.09 to $0.25 for beer

b) Approximately $43.9 million in new taxes expected in the first year

Alcohol Tax Increase

- HB 1310 (Bronrott, et al)/ SB 562 (Madaleno, et al)

a) Triples alcohol tax from $1.50 to $4.50 for distilled spirits, $.40 to $1.20 for wine, and $.09 to $.27 for beer

b) Approximately $57.5 million in new taxes in the first year

6. Alcohol Tax Increase

- SB 232 (Forehand)

a) Triples alcohol tax from $1.50 to $4.50 for distilled spirits and $0.40 to $1.20 for wine, and raises the beer tax by 600%, from $0.09 to $0.54

b) Approximately $86 million in new taxes expected in the first full year in effect

Tobacco Tax Increase

– HB 1095 (Rosenberg, et al)/ SB 513 (McFadden)

a) Increases the tax for tobacco products other than cigarettes from 15% to 25% of the wholesale price

Tobacco Paraphernalia Tax

– SB 363 (Muse)

a) Imposes a $20 surcharge on the purchase of tobacco paraphernalia

“Little Cigar” Tax Increase

– HB 617 (Tarrant, et al)

a) Redefines cigarettes to include “little cigars” so the higher cigarette tax applies to “little cigars”

b) About $1.9 million in new tax revenue expected in first year

10.

Moist Snuff and “Little Cigar” Tax Increase

– SB 383 (Currie and McFadden)

a) Increases moist snuff tax from 15% of wholesale value to 54-cents per ounce

b) Redefines cigarettes to include “little cigars” so the higher cigarette tax applies to “little cigars”

c) About $3.9 million in new tax revenue expected in first year

11.

Ammunition Tax

- HB 517 (Burns, et al)

a) Requires a new tax of 5-cents per round of encoded ammunition (in addition to the new 6% sales tax)

Gas and Vehicle-Related Taxes

12.

Gas Tax Increase

– SB 567 (Garagiola, et al)

a) Increases the gas tax by 33% (from 23.5-cents per gallon to 31.5-cents per gallon)

b) Repeals the computer services tax and shifts the tax burden to gas consumers

13.

Fuel Efficiency Vehicle Surcharge

– HB 338 (Cardin, et al)

a) Imposes a $250 surcharge on each new automobile if the fuel economy rating of the automobile is less than or equal to 15 miles per gallon

14.

Tire Tax

– HB 338 (Cardin, et al)

a) Imposes a $10 surcharge on each tire sold other than an energy-efficient tire

Property Taxes

15.

Property Tax Increase

– HB 512 (McIntosh)/ SB 302 (Conway)

a) Imposes an additional state property tax of $0.02 per $100 of assessed value for most property and $0.05 per $100 of assessed value for operating real property of a public utility

b) About $130.7 million in new taxes expected in the first year

16.

HVAC Tax

– HB 338 (Cardin, et al)

a) Imposes a $100 surcharge on the sale of any residential heating or cooling system other than an energy-efficient heating or cooling system or solar energy property

17.

Building Excise Tax

- HB 663 (Barve, et al)

a) Authorizes municipalities to impose building excise taxes – in addition to the building excise taxes already imposed by counties

18.

Fertilizer Application Impact Fee

- HB 466 (Kullen)

a) Requires that homeowners pay a new fee of 10% of the total cost of applying fertilizer to residential land

19.

Recordation Tax Increase

- HB 260 (Kaiser, et al)/ SB 559 (Madaleno, et al)

a) Would subject indemnity mortgages to the recordation tax

b) Montgomery County expects $30 million in taxes, a 30% increase over current collections

c) Harford County expects $750,000 in taxes, a 4% increase over current collections

d) Other counties still calculating their specific increase

Health Care-Related Taxes

20.

Health Insurance Premium Tax

– HB 1093 (Morhaim)

a) 50% increase in the health insurance premium tax from 2% to 3%

b) Additional $20.3 million in taxes in the first year

21.

Mandatory Employer-Provided Health Insurance

– HB 1540 (Benson, et al)

a) Mandates that employers provide health insurance coverage at an expense to the employer of at least 7.5% of wages paid to employees

b) In the alternative, the employer will be required to pay into the state’s Health Trust Fund

22.

Teeth Whitening Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to teeth whitening services

23.

Laser Eye Surgery Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to laser eye surgery

24.

Breast Reduction or Augmentation Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to breast reduction or augmentation services

25.

Rhinoplasty Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to rhinoplasty surgery

26.

Face Lift Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to face lift surgery

27.

Liposuction Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to liposuction surgery

28.

Gastric Bypass Surgery Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to gastric bypass surgery

29.

Laser Hair Removal Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to laser hair removal services

30.

Tanning Services Tax

– HB 250 (Morhaim, et al)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to tanning services

b) About $545,600 in new tax revenue is expected in the first year

31.

Tattooing Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to tattooing services

32.

Body Piercing Tax

– HB 614 (Ali)

a) Applies the 6% sales tax to body piercing services

Business-Related Taxes

33.

Mixed Martial Arts Tax

– HB 795 (Reznik, et al)/ SB 649 (Conway)

a) Imposes a new mixed martial arts license fee of $10 per participant, $15 per judge, and $25 per manager per year

b) Imposes a new tax on mixed martial arts admission fees of $200 or 10% of gross receipts, whichever is greater

c) Imposes a new tax on mixed martial arts television charges of 10% of gross receipts

34.

Unused Gift Card Assessment

– HB 613 (Pena-Melnyk, et al)/ SB 998 (Pugh and Harrington)

a) Requires companies to pay unused gift certificate and gift card balances to the state government

b) About $5.7 million to be collected by the government in 2009 and $55.7 million anticipated by 2013

35.

Commercial Bank Fee Increases

– HB 752 (Chair, Economic Matters Committee)

a) Substantially increases fees imposed on commercial banks, including a 1000% fee increase on a new commercial bank charter examination from $1,500 to $15,000

36.

Clean Air Permit Fee Increase

– SB 442 (Frosh, et al)

a) Doubles the maximum clean air permit fee from $25 to $50 per ton

b) More than doubles the maximum fee for a single source from $200,000 to $500,000 and in 2010 would remove the maximum fee for a single source altogether

37.

Greenhouse Gas Emissions Fee

– HB 712 (Barve, et al)/ SB 309 (Pinsky, et al)

a) Authorizes a greenhouse gas emissions fee with a maximum fee of four-cents per ton of carbon dioxide equivalent emitted

To My 26-Year-Old Friends (and those a wee bit older and younger)

2008-04-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

You need to read this article. It's about how you can have a million dollars socked away by retirement by saving for only one year. Pretty impressive, if you can make the lifestyle adjustment.

Even at 26, we still feel like we are just starting out in life, but, as the article says, this is absolutely the prime time to start saving money. It will grow SO MUCH over time. Think about this: if you save the money you would have spent on a week-long vacation in Cancun this summer, by the time you retire, that money could BUY A SUMMER HOME in Cancun.

I'm not saying to save ALL your money and live like a hermit, but wouldn't you rather be able to quit working in 40 years entirely and just have FUN for the rest of your life? Those are the kind of things a lot of us 26-yr-olds don't (want to) think about. You don't want to have to have a job when you're 60 do you?? Just saying.

A few easy ways I save (and I know this is a reiteration of a previous post, but it bears repeating):

Every time I sell something on Etsy, I transfer that money directly into my savings account. It's "free" money. I won't miss it.

When I get a bonus at work, it goes right into the savings account. Again, it's extra, so I won't miss it.

If I resist my urge to buy something I really don't need (like an expensive dinner out), I take the money I would have spent and transfer it to my savings account. I normally would have spent it, so I still take it out of my checking account. But now it goes into savings, and I still have it, AND I'm earning interest on it.

Obviously, this is just a savings account. I'm a long way from maxing out my 401(k) contributions or even starting an IRA. But I am thinking about it and starting to put long-term practices into place.

Just sayin.

I Admit to and Relish in . . .

2008-04-15T10:27:00.001-07:00

...the irony that is posting this link.

Great article, though. I have nothing to add.

Death to Stuffed Animals??

2008-04-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

Read the article first: "Death to Stuffed Animals" by Emily Bazelon

Wow. I don't know if I was especially affected by this article because I make stuffed animals, but something about this makes me think Emily Bazelon is the one without the soul. She advocates parents replacing traditional stuffed animals with Webkinz, an online application wherein your stuffed animal actually "lives." If I have this straight, the child has the actual stuffed animal at home with you, but its "soul" lives in your computer. Therefore, if the actual toy is lost or destroyed, it can easily be replaced and still be . . . the same stuffed animal. This will alleviate all the parental headaches that come when a child loses an inanimate object to which s/he was attached.

Are you kidding me? That's so wrong on every level. The first problem is that the online "world" would seem to all but eliminate any imagination on the part of the child to impart life into the stuffed animal. Yes, stuffed animals are inanimate objects. No, they are not alive. No, they do not have actual souls. But the child's love and imagination are what impart those characteristics onto the stuffed animal. Goddammit, I'm in the Velveteen Rabbit camp!

The second problem is that you're taking away from your child valuable lessons about loss. Yes, it's going to be a disaster when they lose their favorite teddy bear. But it's a step towards maturity so it will be less of a disaster when they lose their favorite dog. Then their favorite grandparent.

A child's attachment to and love for a toy is a wholesome, natural, beautiful thing. Trying to co-opt that notion into an online application is utterly soulless.

On Fashion

2008-04-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

(I wish I had more pictures to sprinkle into this blog, but for most of it, you'll have to just use your imagination.)

Let's go back to the beginning first. This is not a fashion picture (obviously - look at that hat!), but it will help take you back to a long time ago . . .

When I was a kid, my mother would not spend a lot of money on clothes for my brother and me. We would shop at places like C-Mart (a discounted department store overstock warehouse), K-Mart, and Goodwill. I also received a lot of handmedowns from a family friend. I was absolutely mortified to have to buy my blue jeans at Goodwill and wear sweaters that had been owned by someone else, so I kept these secrets close to my (thrifted) vest.

We were not a "poor" family by any means. My mother was (and still is) a very thrifty person, and chose to spend our family's money on other, more valuable and lasting things, such as taking a family vacation to a new place every summer. As an adult, I cannot fault her for this at all. As a kid, though, I have to admit that I was pretty bitter. I was the only girl on the basketball team without white umbro shorts (I wore cut-off white sweatpants--handmedown), and my "pump" sneakers were off-brand, from Payless. I didn't get to have a "poet blouse" like the popular girls at North Harford Middle School until I got one for my 12th birthday, and they were already out of style. I wore it to please my mom, but I was secretly embarrassed to be so late.

As a kid from elementary school up through the beginning of high school, my "style" was essentially to cobble together what I had into something that didn't suck. Thank god for the thick skin that artsy, weird kids are forced to grow. One of my favorite things to wear when I was 7 or 8 were extraordinarily loud bermuda shorts with solid color t-shirts. I remember being teased because I dressed like a boy. In fact, one my most vivid early memories is that I was in the bathroom at Hickory Elementary (I was probably 7 years old) and I heard a girl outside the stall gasp and say, "There's a boy in here!" She'd seen my shoes (knock-off Chuck Taylors, black rubber with navy canvas) and thought I was a boy. Another girl corrected her snidely, "Oh no, that's just Elly Zupko." That ended my early tomboy phase really quickly.

By the time I got to high school, I started to try to own my weirdness. I was no longer concerned with looking like the other girls; I realized that the pieces I was finding at Goodwill or got as handmedowns were unique, and could afford me a unique look. Being fairly shy, I realized I could stand out and be noticed (whether in a good or bad way) through my appearance. I was also starting to have a little bit of money, so I could buy strategic new pieces to liven up the other stuff. I think my greatest fashion moment to date was when my mother offered to go halfsies with me on my first pair of Dr. Marten's boots, a pair of 1460s in brown leather. They were $140 (I got ripped off; I know), so the contribution on my mother's part was huge, and I will never forget it. I think the first time I wore those shoes was the first time I ever really felt cool.

My fashion through high school (I still cringe to deign to call it "fashion") largely fell into two camps: one was wearing vintage t-shirts with jeans or cordoroy pants and my Docs. I still hold fast to the notion that I started the vintage t-shirt craze. I got a couple cool foreign t-shirts from my grandfather's trips to Hong Kong, got weird old stuff in my handmedown bags (huge trash bags full of clothes, brought home by my dad after church), and revisited old clothes from childhood that had been packed away. My brother made constant fun of me when I ransacked a box full of striped polo shirts that he'd worn in elementary school. I thought they were awesome, and they made my boobs look great, lol. I grabbed a couple of old oxfords from my grandfather's wardrobe (which were huge, but I thought looked cool with jeans). I also started wearing my middle school gym uniform shirt to class, and I thought that made me the coolest person ever. Take that 80stees.com. This picture is from college, but I am wearing one of those Hong Kong tees here (please, please, please ignore the hair):

The second camp was "old lady clothes." This particular term came from Jim, my boyfriend at the end of high school through college. This "fashion" came from me actively trying to be more feminine during my later high school years. I'd finally figured out what to do with my wild terrible hair, and started plucking my eyebrows. My braces were off, and I was kind of exiting my awkward phase. The jeans and boots got replaced with skirts and loafers, and I started wearing a lot of cardigan sweaters. I still wore the vintage shirts. This feminine look proved to be short-lived. I was still a tomboy at heart.

Another of my great fashion moments, when I really felt like I was "sticking it to the man" was Prom. I had (miraculously) been voted onto Prom Court with 9 other girls (I still can't really figure out how that happened, except that maybe the nerds united behind me). I wanted to do something pretty daring to stand out, so I found an amazing dress that had a denim bodice and a huge ball gown skirt. Who wears denim to Prom? Me, baby! I almost didn't buy it, because it was $200, but my big sister offered to go halfsies with me because she thought I HAD to have it. The kicker was that I also bought blue hair color and sprayed the back of my updo blue. Take that, popular girls. I didn't win Prom Queen (duh) but I sure felt like one that night. This is the best pic I have handy of the dress (holy crap was I skinny):

College proved to be a big change for me, fashion-wise. This was in large part due to Jim. Jim was fairly fashionable, and also spent what I considered to be a substantial amount of his money on clothes. He was brought up differently, and spent money on material things like nice clothes and a nice car, etc. This wasn't wrong, just different. He encouraged me to buy new things and to expand my wardrobe into things I actually wanted--not just clothes I happened across. It was because of him that I bought my FIRST pair of NEW blue jeans (which were $50!!!!!) but fit like a dream. Jim was also into the rave scene and got me into it, so my look started to head in that direction: industrial, boxy cuts on the bottom (like UFO pants), with fitted tops, and crazy bright accessories.

In college, I used to wear so many plastic and rubber bracelets that they went halfway up my forearms. I wore these every day. I also put glow-in-the-dark glitter on my black patent leather Docs and laced them with Spongebob Squarepants laces. I started to get piercings and started stretching my ears. I did crazy things to my hair. It was college. I was . . . branching out . . . Morbidly unflattering pictorial examples I happen to have handy:

(yes, that's Joel Madden; notice the candy necklace and horrible dye job on me).

I also started hanging out quite a bit at Club Orpheus in downtown Baltimore, because they played good dance music, so my style skewed a bit goth-industrial, too. Here's an embarrassing outfit for you (I was home from college, about to hit the mall with my brother, who had started to wear my grandfather's oxford shirts that I'd left behind, hahaha) That's a Goucher lanyard sticking out of my pocket. Gopher pride!

After I graduated college, fashion was just about a non-issue for me. I worked at a job in a basement where the only person I ever saw was my boss, so I certainly didn't dress for the office. And I also had the just-out-of-college-and-I'm-poor blues, so clothes were not at the top of my to-buy list. After that, I had the "my boyfriend spends all my money and I've been buying too much stupid shit on eBay like Sheena Queen of the Jungle comic books and I'm poor" blues, so I still did not buy a lot of clothes. When I did shop, I bought double-duty pieces I could wear to the office (I got a "real job") and as casualwear. For a woman, I owned very few pairs of shoes and almost no accessories.

Also, due to things going on in my life, my self-esteem plummeted. I felt it easier to wear things that drew little attention. Lots of black made it easier for me to blend in. I didn't want to be noticed and didn't really care what I looked like. I felt like I was back in elementary school again, getting by with what I had and trying to pretend that fashion didn't matter--it's what's on the INSIDE that counts. Working in an office full of women made it really hard. They never overtly judged my appearance, but it was always the lowest rank on my performance review, and I got teased more than once about wearing all black, all the time (for a while, I only bought black clothes because I knew they would match all the other black clothes I already owned). Here's one of my traditional office outfits--black and gray (though I did rock the pirate skull headband, just for some funkiness):

Despite how happy I look in the picture above, which is out of context (the outfit is just an example), that period of my life was a low-point, both fashion-wise, but on a much deeper level as well. I guess I hadn't realized until now how what was going on inside was really manifesting itself on the outside.

Anyway, now, very very recently, I've finally gotten back into the fashion groove. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was . . . No, wait, I can. My boyfriend Chris (happily pictured above) told me that he liked me best in feminine clothing (skirts and blouses and cute shoes, etc.).

**Okay, I'd like to stop at this moment and address the obvious. Yes, it seems that what I wear has been largely influenced by the men in my life. I am aware that some feminists will jump out of their chairs in rage at this. But you're missing the point. 1) I am never going to wear something I don't like or am uncomfortable in to please a man. 2) I like to look sexy and attractive for my mate, just as I expect him to want to look sexy and attractive for me. 3) I am open to trying all sorts of new things, especially things that I might not have thought of on my own, so if someone (whether it be a boyfriend or someone else) says to me, "Hey you look good in [whatever]" I'll probably try it. If I look good, I might try more stuff like it. This is how style evolves. 4) I still wear stuff that I like and only I like; I just may not wear it out on a date with my boyfriend, just like I wouldn't wear certain things to the office or certain things to a rock concert. 5) I'm not wearing this stuff to please my man. I'm wearing some of it in some cases because he pointed out it looked good, and I happened to agree.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog.**

In light of his comments, I realized that so much of my wardrobe was leftover from a time when I didn't care too much about what I looked like, and that a lot of the pieces were ill-fitting, outdated, drab, or just boring. I was wearing what I had, not what looked good. I also realized that when I wear clothing that fits well, is brightly colored, and is well-taken care of, I feel much more confident. Therefore, I walk taller, look better, smile more, act more comfortably--and people notice that. I feel better, I look better; it's a win-win situation. I've realized that fashion is not shallow, and wanting to look good and dress well is not a sign that I have no substance underneath (as I might have argued when I was 15 and awkward).

The other thing that happened is that I discovered Wardrobe Remix, a group on Flickr. Purely based on appearance, this is one of the most creative, daring, fashionable, and cool groups of women (and some men, too!) I've ever "met." Through their outfits, store listings, and other tips, I've been truly inspired in the way I dress. I'm accessorizing more, little by little, and buying more daring pieces that two years ago I never would have worn. I'm also back to shopping at Goodwill almost exclusively, because now I feel like I truly appreciate it. Not only can I save a ton of money (which is important, now that I'm really an adult), but, as I knew in high school, I can find unique things that set me apart from everyone else. In addition, it's sustainable (good for the earth!), I'm not contributing to the Wal-Martization of the world, and the money I spend goes to a good cause. What could be better??

Flash forward to today: I'm wearing an "old lady outfit." This is something I would have felt completely uncomfortable in two years ago. It's brightly colored and ultra-feminine. (For reference, I know exactly what I was wearing almost exactly two years ago, when I met Chris, the love of my life: a pair of baggy blue jeans, a black tank top, and a black zip sweatshirt--boring, boring, boring. Thank goodness he could see past my fashion-less exterior and fall in love with me anyway. I was dressed like I wanted to blend into the background. I was dressed like I felt inside. As I said before, it was a low-point. Meeting Chris that night changed all that.)

The way I look AND feel today is decidedly non-depressing. As my depressing, all-black outfits of years ago were an outward manifestation of how I felt inside, I think the bright colors and coordination of this outfit are a manifestation of how I feel inside now. I'm happy. I'm spunky. I'm bright. It's an awesome way to feel. :)

(And btw, this entire outfit, from head to toe, cost $28.50.)

Money is the Root of All Great Annoyance

2008-03-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

From 2003-2005, I really got myself into some financial trouble. Part of it was some mistakes I made; part of it was being naive and letting certain people take advantage of me. I don't really want to go into details out here in public, but let's just say it sucked.

Anyway, as part of a greater self-improvement plan, I am trying to get my finances in order this month. Included in this task:

1) Adjust my tax withholdings to ensure I neither owe money to the government nor am owed money by the government next January (I did that in 2007 and it was great to come out even).
2) Start my 401(k) and contributing 5% of my pre-tax salary to it (my company matches 100% up to 3% of my salary and 50% from 4 to 5%).
3) Open a savings account and route 2% of my take-home pay directly into it every paycheck. 3a) Find a savings account with the best rate of return I can get.
4) Find a better bank to house my checking account (SunTrust has largely not been my friend, and I'm kind of done with them).
5) Start a Roth IRA and contribute as much as I can stand.
6) Stop buying stuff; thrift/make what I need (i.e., live more cheaply and more sustainably).
7) Eat out less often and stop picking up the tab when I can't really afford it (i.e., carry more cash and just pay my portion).
8) Consider moving in with a roommate to save money (my rent has become too exhorbitant to handle alone anymore)
9) Consider moving down to Baltimore to save gas on driving down to see my boyfriend and friends; work from home 2-4 days per month

Progress:
1) Done.
2) Done.
3) Done. Between 1, 2, & 3, my take-home pay is $400 less per month than it was about two months ago. This sucks. But I'm actually richer because of it - I just have to keep reminding myself of that. And less money in the checking account means less inclination to needlessly spend. In fact, now every time I find some extra money (I sell a plush, I stop myself from buying something expensive that I don't really need, a friend pays for dinner, etc.), I take that amount and immediately transfer it into my savings account. It's kind of like dumping your spare change into a jar - only way better. It's money I probably would have spent on something dumb, or at the very least would have sat dormant in my checking account for a while, and it's money I won't miss because it's "extra." I have to tell you: it feels GOOD.
3a) This was actually the impetus for this post, which was begun in an extreme state of agitation. I have since calmed down. I will return to this subject.
4) See 3a.
5) I've realized my apartment is sucking me dry and I won't be able to do this unless and until I complete items 6-9
6) I've so far been very successful in this. However, my continued vices include: art supplies, crafting supplies, tights (I don't want used tights!!), presents for my boyfriend, gasoline.
7) I've been very good about this. Carrying cash is still foreign to me, but I'm getting more used to it.
8) In progress. I sign my three-month lease this weekend, which will bring me up to August, at which point I am planning to move to Baltimore. I have a prospective roommate.
9) see 8)

3a) and 4) redux

OMG, I was so pissed off when I started this post. The reason is as follows: I found a bank that is offering 4% APR on savings accounts with no monthly fees or minimum balances when you link it to a checking account through them as well. I thought that sounded great. It would be an opportunity to move both my checking and savings over to a new bank and start afresh. Their deals look really good.

So I started the process. I linked my old SunTrust account over to them, and scheduled a transfer of funds to get my checking account started. After everything was approved and started, I would transfer my current savings account over to the new, higher yielding savings account, then start direct depositing my pay into both accounts. The whole process was supposed to take "3-4 days."

This was almost two weeks ago. Wamu confirmed and approved my outside funding source (via two microdeposits) but then gave me an error message saying my account information was wrong and I needed to cancel and reschedule my initial deposit. Okay, no big deal. I cancel it, then go to the "Transfer Funds" page, except I get an error message that says, "Sorry, you cannot transfer funds on this type of account." What?? It's an online-only account. That makes no sense. Wamu doesn't even have any branches in Maryland.

So I go to their contact page and select the "Send Us A Message" option. This gives me a form which I fill out with my problem, then click "send." I get the error message, "Please input a valid message in the message field." So apparently my message isn't valid enough for them. I get this error no matter WHAT I put in the message field. I want to punch my computer.

Wamu does not provide an email address, only this form, so I decide I need to call them. I call them, and the robot lady informs me that I will not be able to do any telephone banking unless I have my "telephone access code." I do not have one of these. They have never given me one. I didn't know such things exist. I try to get to the option I need, only to be denied access because I don't have a code. Wonderful.

I cannot send a message to this bank. I cannot call them. Since their closest branch is in NEW JERSEY, my only recourse at this point is to send them a letter. Are you kidding me? Not only will that take several days to get there, I can't (or won't) include any account information because of security issues. Then I'll have to wait for THEM to contact ME, and who knows how long that could take.

At this point, I could give two shits about getting the account open and running. I just want that stuff closed and my information deleted, and I will go back to the bank with the slightly lower interest rate that has taken care of me from the outset.

What a frustrating experience. No wonder no one ever wants to change banks...

Wild Goose--er, Swan Chase

2008-03-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got this very strange email from my boyfriend:

Can you do me a huge favor after work? I need a stuffed swan. I thought maybe like the card store at the mall or something, or even Toys R Us, might have stuffed animals. I don't think I'm going to get a chance to get to a store like that and I need it by Wednesday. Do you think you could stop by on your way home? I know it's a huge pain in the ass. Also, if there's a little stuffed black and white border collie, I would like to get one of those too. Is that possible?

No explanation - just the request. I didn't ask any questions; I just accepted the mission. Needless to say, I didn't get any painting done last night. But I did get a lot of other things done. Five stores, and four and a half hours later, how did it end up? You can read the whole story, complete with illustrative photographs, here.

Warning: there is a graphic picture of plushicide in progress. If you are squeamish about seeing a toy's stuffing, you may not want to look.

Art Lessons

2008-03-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

I guess you could say the results of the painting experiment are in. Once the painting had been drying for a couple days, I started to notice that the areas heavy with impasto medium were beginning to crack and discolor. So that's a big red flag on using a lot of impasto. That's unfortunate, because I really enjoyed using it to beef up my paint. I guess I'll have to work on my proportion. I don't want to imagine I can't use it at all. I think I'll just have to use less of it.

I went to the Walters for a bit again this weekend. Mostly, I got up close and personal with some fantastic oil paintings. I tried to get into the artists' heads and really try to see the painting as they would have as they were working on it. Even as magnificent as some of them appear from afar, when you get really close, you can see it's just one brush stroke at a time. I think that will be my mantra: One brushstroke at a time. I think if I practice zen-like patience, I should be able to develop higher quality paintings.

I only had an hour, and mostly was looking at painting, but I did get one post-worthy drawing done of Rodin's Death of Apollo. My proportion is still not great - his legs are too long. I think part of the problem is that I was working without an eraser, as usual. I think I need to start seeing the eraser as a tool and not a sign of weakness. :)

The "Woman Alone" painting is still on the back burner. I have plans to work tonight on a Chiaroscuro-style self portrait based on a photograph of my 16-year old self - one brushstroke at a time.

Snap, Snap Addendum

2008-03-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

I lost my nerve.

Photographs and artwork have been removed from the Etsy shop due to lack of response needed for immediate gratification.

I am considering opening a second shop to keep my plushes separate from other works. I might feel better about that. A photograph of my naked knees for sale next to a teddy bear I made just wasn't working for me. And it might work better for the people visiting my shop.

Maybe I'm just a pussy.

I'm conflicted.

I get very little response to things I consider more serious projects, more "art." Then something like this sells the first day I list it.

It's kind of demoralizing. I mean, I'm proud to be selling things I made--but . . . But, but, but.

Experimenting in Oil

2008-03-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays have become my "art night." I went to one life drawing session, but then the next week I was too fired up about working on my new painting series to go, and I spent the evening working on Woman Alone No. 1. Yesterday, I was completely planning to go back for another life drawing session (I even got a bunch of quarters at the store to plug the parking meter), but the minute I stepped across the threshold of my apartment a deep fatigue fell over me. That happens a lot: I walk in, drop my bag and laptop, hang up my coat, and then all I want to do is to sink into the couch with a DVD and my cats napping by my side. Sometimes, it's really difficult to drag myself back out of the house once I get home. When I have no particular obligation to anyone other than myself (as is the case with going to life drawing in Towson), it's even more difficult.

So the short of it is I didn't go (to my only slight regret). But I figured that if I was going to stay home, I would be at least somewhat productive. I was too tired to give the focus demanded by my Woman project, so I decided I'd just do some experiments with paint.

I recently purchased Oil Painting for the Serious Beginner by Steve Allrich, and have read about half of it. The book is pretty good, but it's restricting, because Allrich only really expounds upon the way HE paints, and really does little to explore other techniques (like glazing, which I was curious about) or other palettes (he doesn't put green on his palette, so there is a chapter about mixing green, but hardly anything about using green paint). Regardless, I did find out a lot of information I was looking for. It definitely wasn't a waste of money.

One of the most interesting things Allrich had to say was to use black paint. I've been taught by both serious painting teachers I've had not to use black, because the black that comes out of a tube rarely, if ever, occurs in life. Instead, I'd always been taught to make a mix of umber and blue to make a deep gray that can be warmed or cooled accordingly. Allrich does not agree with this school of thought, and encourages the use of black, but says to think of it as a color in and of itself, not something you add to other colors to make them darker. I thought that was interesting.

Since my tube of Lamp Black was unused from date of purchase (probably 6 years ago now) I decided that I was going to open it up and use the hell out of it.

I also took this opportunity to explore some other things I wanted to try out - different brushes, using the palette knife, mixing on the canvas, adding subtle color to black, creating texture with impasto medium, etc. One of my main objectives, as well, was to see if I could complete (or "complete") a painting in one session (known as alla prima), since I know how my attention span can wander. I don't want to end up with another half dozen unfinished paintings that I lose the source material for and end up gessoing over (as was the case with the canvases I'm working on right now: they were once other paintings).

It was a fun session. Great to play with the paint without worrying about the results. I learned that I need to figure out the best way to thin my paint (it was either too thick or too runny; rarely did I get a perfect medium). I learned that I bought horrible paint brushes that shed like crazy. I learned that if I'm going to be serious about painting I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to go through a LOT of paint and I have to be willing to put in the money to buy supplies (which can be tax deductible in certain cases if I remember to keep receipts). Mostly I learned that I have a lot to learn, and, as Allrich indicates in his book (and much like advice related to writing), the best way to learn how to paint is to paint a lot and look at a lot of paintings.

Here was what I ended up with at the end of the night. I think I may go back and redo her face in finer/better detail when it dries. I might also add some spot colors. Who knows. It's an experiment: I can do whatever I want.

"A Book Meme"

2008-03-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

I've been "tagged."

A Book Meme.

Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people and post a comment here once you post it to your blog so I can come see!

So here we go, from The Art Book. Page 123 is Edgar Degas' The Rehearsal:

"The composition appears totally random: the figure on the far right is cut off by the edge of the canvas, and truncated legs appear at the top of the stairs - had he waited only a few seconds more, it seems, another dancer wold have walked into the picture. The painting is executed with vibrant, rapid strokes of pastel and some areas have merely been sketched in. The cool tones and lack of formality are refreshing."

I'll tag a few members of my writers group:

Jes
Gavin
Dan
Tim
Stacy

R.I.P. Arthur C. Clarke

2008-03-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

He was a visionary and hugely important figure in science fiction, space exploration, and secular humanism. He will be missed by many.
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COLOMBO, Sri Lanka - Even in death Arthur C. Clarke would not compromise his vision.
The famed science fiction writer, who once denigrated religion as "a necessary evil in the childhood of our particular species," left written instructions that his funeral be completely secular, according to his aides.

"Absolutely no religious rites of any kind, relating to any religious faith, should be associated with my funeral," he wrote.

Clarke died early Wednesday at age 90 and was to be buried in a private funeral this weekend in his adopted home of Sri Lanka. Clarke, who had battled debilitating post-polio syndrome for years, had suffered breathing problems in recent days, aide Rohan De Silva said.

The visionary author won worldwide acclaim with more than 100 books on space, science and the future. The 1968 story "2001: A Space Odyssey" — written simultaneously as a novel and screenplay with director Stanley Kubrick — was a frightening prophecy of artificial intelligence run amok.

One year after it made Clarke a household name in fiction, the scientist entered the homes of millions of Americans alongside Walter Cronkite anchoring television coverage of the Apollo mission to the moon.

Clarke also was credited with the concept of communications satellites in 1945, decades before they became a reality. Geosynchronous orbits, which keep satellites in a fixed position relative to the ground, are called Clarke orbits.

His nonfiction volumes on space travel and his explorations of the Great Barrier Reef and Indian Ocean earned him respect in the world of science, and in 1976 he became an honorary fellow of the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics.

But it was his writing that shot him to his greatest fame and that gave him the greatest fulfillment.

"Sometimes I am asked how I would like to be remembered," Clarke said recently. "I have had a diverse career as a writer, underwater explorer and space promoter. Of all these, I would like to be remembered as a writer."

From 1950, he began a prolific output of both fiction and nonfiction, sometimes publishing three books in a year.

A statement from Clarke's office said he had recently reviewed the final manuscript of his latest novel. "The Last Theorem," co-written with Frederik Pohl, will be published later this year, it said.

Some of his best-known books are "Childhood's End," 1953; "The City and The Stars," 1956; "The Nine Billion Names of God," 1967; "Rendezvous with Rama," 1973; "Imperial Earth," 1975; and "The Songs of Distant Earth," 1986.

When Clarke and Kubrick got together to develop a movie about space, they looked for inspiration to several of Clarke's shorter pieces. As work progressed on the screenplay, Clarke also wrote a novel of the story. He followed it up with "2010," "2061," and "3001: The Final Odyssey."

Planetary scientist Torrence Johnson said Clarke's work was a major influence on many in the field.

Johnson, who has been exploring the solar system through the Voyager, Galileo and Cassini missions in his 35 years at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, recalled a meeting of planetary scientists and rocket engineers where talk turned to the author.

"All of us around the table said we read Arthur C. Clarke," Johnson said. "That was the thing that got us there."

In an interview with The Associated Press, Clarke said he did not regret having never traveled to space himself, though he arranged to have DNA from his hair sent into orbit.

"One day, some super civilization may encounter this relic from the vanished species and I may exist in another time," he said. "Move over, Stephen King."

Clarke, a British citizen, won a host of science fiction awards, and was named a Commander of the British Empire in 1989. Clarke was officially given a knighthood in 1998, but he delayed accepting it for two years after a London tabloid accused him of being a child molester. The allegation was never proved.

Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa lauded Clarke for his passion for his adopted home and his efforts to aid its progress.

"We were all proud to have this celebrated author, visionary and promoter of space exploration, prophet of satellite communications, great humanist and lover of animals in our midst," he said in a statement.

Born in Minehead, western England, on Dec. 16, 1917, the son of a farmer, Arthur Charles Clark became addicted to science fiction after buying his first copies of the pulp magazine "Amazing Stories" at Woolworth's. He read English writers H.G. Wells and Olaf Stapledon and began writing for his school magazine in his teens.

Clarke went to work as a clerk in Her Majesty's Exchequer and Audit Department in London, where he joined the British Interplanetary Society and wrote his first short stories and scientific articles on space travel.

It was not until after World War II that Clarke received a bachelor of science degree in physics and mathematics from King's College in London.

Serving in the wartime Royal Air Force, he wrote a 1945 memo about the possibility of using satellites to revolutionize communications. Clarke later sent it to a publication called Wireless World, which almost rejected it as too far-fetched.

He moved to Sri Lanka in 1956.

In recent years, Clarke was linked by his computer with friends and fans around the world, spending each morning answering e-mails and browsing the Internet.

Clarke married in 1953, and was divorced in 1964. He had no children. He is survived by his brother, Fred, and sister, Mary. His body is to be brought to his home in Colombo so friends and fans can pay their respects before his burial.

Dead Baby Jokes Are Still Tasteless . . . Right?

2008-03-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

I was checking out how much "art dolls" can go for on eBay this evening, and I came across this.

My initial response was one of awe at the amazing craftsmanship that would go into such a creation. But then I started to get disturbed. Who on earth would want such a realistic, lifelike--yet lifeless--doll in their home? In their life?

Then, even more disturbing, I saw this one. I would give all my prayers to the mother of a premature baby (my brother was one) but that is absolutely horrifying. And unlike my brother, who grew up to be a healthy, wonderful man, that "baby" will look like that forever.

On further exploration, I discovered these dolls have a sort of brand - they are "Reborn" dolls, and it is considered an artform to make them. Some of them have mechanized limbs and internalized motors to simulate breathing and heartbeats. All the ones I saw were anatomically correct. But stranger and creepier than the artists who "reborn" them (one of whom I saw went to the grocery store to sell them...) are the women who purchase them - and even collect them en masse. Some buy them to replace babies they lost. Some buy them to carry them around and get the attention that new moms get. Some are just hardcore doll collectors who needed the next, better, realer fix.

I have to say I am completely disturbed by this phenomenon. I try not to judge people, but I cannot deny my strongly aversive feelings about this. It's like having a taxidermied baby in your house, or in your carriage (!). *Shudder*

Okay, I'm off to bed...

...to have nightmares...

Here's a video, so you can join me:

Snap, snap

2008-03-17T17:00:00.001-07:00

Since my wonderful boyfriend was thoughtful enough to get me a new digital camera for Christmas (I broke my last one falling down in the streets of Montreal), I have been able to start back into my Etsy business.

It's been almost exactly a year since I started on the site, so it's kind of like my second try at doing this. I was very successful the first time, and I think I have two options:

1) Keep doing what I was doing, and do more of it, and thus be even more successful (financially and statistically successful, to be specific)

2) Use past success to "check off the box" (I sold things I made for money - yay), and now spend this "round" being experimental with what I'm selling (less conventional items, less "cutesy" stuff - more "authentic" art).

3) A hybrid of both.

I think I'm going with 3. I can really only make so many stuffed animals before I want to paint a portrait or take provocative photographs. I have never felt, and do not feel now, that they are mutually exclusive. I should be able to, and just plain should, make and try to sell whatever I want to. It all comes from me; there is no need to segregate one from the other. I think... Sometimes I'm not sure provocative photographs and stuffed toys should be sold together in the same store. Sometimes I think, "Fuck it." Who knows.

But now is the time to be experimental. I'm pushing my boundaries in both directions, but still creating some of the old standards that bring in enough income to buy more supplies. You can write off hobby supplies on your taxes - but not if you make more money than you spend. I'd like to fall into the latter category. But I want to maintain my integrity, too.

On that note, I've posted some new items, and plan to spend the rest of the evening on a really cool rabbit doll I started yesterday. Please check them out when you get a chance.

Woman Alone Series Photographs Made Available

2008-03-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

I have listed the first four photographs in the Woman Alone series for sale in my Etsy shop. As I stated earlier, I don't really identify myself as a photographer, but I am trying to spread my artistic wings. I'm thinking of this as more of an interesting experiment than anything. Sometimes I don't honestly expect to be able to sell anything other than stuffed animals. :-/

How to Hire a Woman

2008-03-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

If you can't see the full jpeg, click here.

Phthalo Blue Gets Into EVERYTHING

2008-03-12T18:41:00.001-07:00

Worked a couple hours this evening, starting in with the oils. I wish I could say it all came back to me, but it didn't. I have a lot of remembering and a lot of learning to do. I'm thinking maybe I should have started with a master copy, just to work on technique before I started on a "real" piece (like I'd planned in the beginning). Oh well.

Painting also takes a lot more patience than I've been willing to give activities for a long time. This will certainly be a test for me.

I'm Totally Going to This

2008-03-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

Dr. Sketchy's at the Palace of Wonders

Where: 1210 H Street, NE
When: Every third Sunday of the month. Doors open at 7 p.m.; sketching begins at 8 p.m.
How Much: Free
More Info: Models perform as burlesque dancers, and are not fully nude. Drinks are available at the bar, and prizes are given for most creative artwork. See guidelines and more details here.

Dr. Sketchy's on Flickr.

Under the Painting is the Underpainting

2008-03-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

I began the underpainting last night. I admit to not concentrating on it fully (I was tired and distracted, but still wanted to get started), so it's pretty flawed even at this stage. But it's still a start. BOY, did I miss painting. It is such a good feeling to start up again.

I worked this in acrylic, but the overpainting will be in water-mixable oil paint. I am running low on several key colors (white, phthalo blue, and burnt umber, especially, since I use those colors almost exclusively in making grays, blacks, and other neutrals), so I'll have to do some shopping before I start the overpainting.

I'm still trying to decide whether to attend the life drawing session tonight, or to focus my efforts on my painting. I probably won't have another opportunity to work on it till Monday, and I don't know if I want to wait that long. Decisions, decisions...

Ghost, Ghost, I Know You Live Within Me

2008-03-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

As so often happens with my plans, they've changed. I was trying to go through the motions of classical study, including doing some master copies and self portraits and other sort of "standard" exercises, but I quickly got bored. I'm not sure when or why it happened, but I had a flash of inspiration over the weekend about a painting project I want to begin. No, actually, I do think I know why it happened. I've been playing the hell out of Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, and I think it has gotten into my brain.

The album, which grows more fantastic with each play, is a concept album about--or greatly influenced by--the life and death of Anne Frank. What has really been haunting me about the record are the images evoked by the lyrics. They are at once beautiful, but also unashamedly sexual and raw, sometimes violent, and always pure in their emotion. And if you put Anne Frank's face on all the "you"s and "she"s in the lyrics (it may not have been the intent, but it's difficult not to do so), there is an added layer of creepiness--the sexualization of a young girl. Even further: the sexualization of a dead girl. One could even take it so far as pedophilia, and almost abstract rape, because the girl cannot defend herself or enjoin herself with any of the images Mangum evokes. But I'm still never offended by the lyrics, perhaps because the passion is unashamed, unassuming, and guiltless. I think "haunting" really is exactly the right adjective to describe this album.

Here are a few of my favorite snippets from the lyrics:

And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder
And your dad would throw the garbage all across the floor
As we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for

...

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move

...

Made for his lover who's floating and choking with her hands across her face
And in the dark we will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine

...

Semen stains the mountain tops

...

Your father made fetuses
With flesh licking ladies

...

The movements were beautiful
All in your ovaries
All of them milking with green fleshy flowers
While powerful pistons were sugary sweet machines
Smelling of semen all under the garden
Was all you were needing when you still believed in me

...

But now we move to feel
For ourselves inside some stranger's stomach
Place your body here
Let your skin begin to blend itself with mine

...

Probably my favorite:

And here's where your mother sleeps
And here is the room where your brothers were born
Indentions in the sheets
Where their bodies once moved but don't move anymore
And it's so sad to see the world agree
That they'd rather see their faces fill with flies
All when I'd want to keep white roses in their eyes

...

So I think I was inspired to create my own images that juxtapose beauty with both overt and covert sexuality, in addition to praising ownership and guiltlessness over own's own sexuality. I'm also interested in the fine line between girlhood and womanhood. Anne Frank is 15 years old in perpetuity--a girl. That, in part, is what makes some of the sexual imagery on Aeroplane uncomfortable. But at 15, a girl is going through puberty (if she has not already finished) and is beginning to explore her own sexuality. Certainly today, many girls have lost their virginity by age 15 or 16. This is true whether or not anyone wants to publicly acknowledge it.

One of the first images that came to me was a pair of bare knees and hands clasping or grabbing at a skirt in some sort of strong emotion--distress, or desire--pushing it upward. I don't know exactly where this image came from, but in my head, it represented a lot of the ideas I wanted to portray. Unable to get this image, or the ideas evoked by the music, out of my head, I took some photographs last night that I plan to use as studies for a series of paintings I want to do. I think some of them work really well as just photographs alone, but I don't identify myself as a photographer so I have difficulty seeing any of them as finished works of art. I'll probably still go on to paint them, and then decide which works better.

I used high contrast and harsh light to achieve a more interesting visual effect, but there are obvious symbolic subtexts as well. In the costuming, I chose ultra-feminine pieces of clothing--lacy, airy pieces in muted neutral colors. Some of the pieces remind me of 1940s clothing, which may be part of the reason I chose them. The interesting thing about some of the pieces were that, though they were dowdy in cut (button to the throat, full sleeve, cut past the knee, etc.) they were made of sheer fabric. If nothing is worn beneath, the nudity of the figure is exposed. I also chose to crop off the face/head/identifying features of the subject. This isn't for the purpose of objectification; rather, I want these pieces to be intensely personal. But I also want to demonstrate the universality of the feminine dilemma.

Life Drawing Sketches

2008-03-07T07:12:00.001-08:00

Okay, changed my mind. Thought I might throw these up here. I did about eight sketches over the course of the 2.5 hours I was there; these were the most "finished." I think it's very telling that the last one looks the least complete, when I actually spent the most time on it. That was supposed to be a 30-minute pose, but she broke after 15. I'd been pacing myself--concentrating and moving very slowly (I didn't have to erase...that's how careful I was being)--so when she broke pose, it was very frustrating. I'm glad I was leaving the head/face and for later, or else I really would have been behind. It's very easy to get caught up in the details of drawing a face. But unless your focus is portrait studies, it's best to leave them till later or last.

The first three were 6B charcoal. The last was HB graphite.

Live Nude Girls

2008-03-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

Well, just one live nude girl. And "girl" is generous.

Anyway, I went to my first ever life drawing session last night at the Towson Arts Collective, which I found out about on Craig's List. Sometimes, it's hard for me that, with all the art study I've done, I've never worked with a live model before. But I guess that's "inappropriate" for high school art programs, and Goucher's art minor is not set up very well to allow in-depth study. I only had cursory level courses in a variety of areas, and did not get to focus on anything, like drawing. In Drawing I, we only ever got as far as still life and one day of portraits (which we did of our classmates). We didn't get to the point of drawing models.

In light of this, I was really excited about the chance to try it out, and also to meet some people in the local arts community. I realized recently that I don't have many friends anymore (at least locally) who are really into producing fine art, so I saw this as an opportunity to expand my social circle to include some more like-minded people.

I was actually very close to talking myself out of going last night, as I'd had an exhausting weekend. Monday was spent preparing my house for guests, and Tuesday was a house full of guests. Wednesday, I really wanted nothing more than to crash out with a couple DVDs and a frozen dinner. But I knew that if I didn't push myself to go that first night, I'd never actually make it at all.

In a sentence: it was not what I expected, and was disappointing in many ways. But it wasn't so awful that I wouldn't give it a second chance.

I had to park far away (parking meters operable till 9?? damn you, Towson!), then I found the to-be-infamous "red door" and navigated through a rather labrynthine art gallery in search of the naked lady. I finally found the session, and it was in a large, white, ugly room lit from overhead with harsh fluorescent lights. About half a dozen people where in there--a girl about my age, two men roughly in their 30s, and several older gentlemen. I'll admit it wasn't who I expected. I expect younger jaded generations as the ones to form "arts collectives." But the crowd was friendly, and there were varying levels of talent.

Besides the ugly, unpleasant room, there was really horrible music playing over the PA system. At first I thought it was just Muzac, but then I heard some vocals and assumed it was light hits or something. But then some really weird dance music came on. It was seriously the grossest music I've ever listened to for any length of time. I was relieved when the mixed CD ran out...

The final negative aspect of the session was the model herself. A consumate professional she was not. She did not have the ability to pose for longer than 15 minutes at a time. And she would take a 5-10 minute break (getting fully clothed and leaving the room) between nearly every pose. Even when we asked her to do a 30-minute pose, she secretly set the timer for 15 minutes, and when it rang, she got up and put her clothes on. She said she would "get back into it" after her break. I feel like I spent almost as much time waiting as I did drawing. I'll bring a book next time. And an iPod. And lots of quarters.

Besides those aspects, however, I generally liked the experience. I craved better atmosphere, better lighting, and a better model, but it was still an opportunity I'd never had. I could see myself learning a lot and improving my skill significantly if I do this on a regular basis. Also, the participants were pretty cool, and maybe next time I'll have the nerve to chat some of them up. One man in particular was doing really amazing watercolor sketches, and I really want to ask him about the paper he was using.

The gallery space itself was really nice, and there was a wide range of pieces on display, from what looked like paint-by-numbers, to really beautiful and technically advanced pieces. I will spend more time looking around next time. Also, if I start to produce more work, I will have the opportunity to join the collective and participate in juried shows--something else I've never done but have always wanted to do.

I couldn't spend enough time on any one drawing to have anything worth posting on here (too bad, really). Hopefully, next week will be better. If it's not, I'm not sure what I'll do. We'll see...

On the Shelves

2008-03-05T06:45:00.001-08:00

I took these pictures last night to help me fill out my "shelves" on GoodReads. Thought I'd post them for those bookshelf voyeurs out there. Post your own and leave the link as a comment: I'd love to see! Also, join me on GoodReads so we can share what's good, and what's not.

ABOVE: This is a shelf of favorites, mostly. Like We Care was the last book I helped publish at Bancroft Press. It was written by Tom Matthews who was an absolute delight to work with. I picked the book from the slush pile, helped negotiate the deal, edited the book, and worked directly with the graphic designer on the cover and layout. The title image is in my handwriting. I'm also credited in the acknowledgements, which is pretty cool.

Money by Martin Amis is my favorite book of all time, and Jazz by Toni Morrison is the book that made me want to be a writer. Narrative Design is a great writing book written by my favorite fiction professor at Goucher, Madison Smartt Bell. Lots of good stuff on this shelf.

ABOVE: Mostly books about writing and the industry. Also the random classic, There's a Wocket in My Pocket.

ABOVE: Mostly trashy novels (Valley of the Dolls!) with a few random gems thrown in (Watership Down and The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay).

ABOVE: More trashy novels (Ann Majors, yuck!) with a random classic (Art of War) and what I think is my third copy of Like We Care.

Is the World Entitled to Art?

2008-03-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

As you’ll notice from the adoring Lolita posts from the end of last year, I’ve recently become a huge Nabokov fan. I’m not rabid, or well-read, enough to yet call myself a “Nabokovian,” but I could see it happening eventually. And so I’ve been mildly to warmly interested in the recent debate surrounding the late author: an unfinished manuscript of his last work before his death exists in a vault somewhere, but Nabokov’s son, Dmitri was tasked with the death-bed request to burn the manuscript before anyone could read it. Dmitri has not yet made a decision, and is stuck between meeting his dead father’s wishes to burn the manuscript and keep it a secret forever from the world, and some other option—publishing it for mass consumption, bequeathing it to the Ivory Tower for study, even just keeping it in a vault forever and ever.

It’s really a fascinating debate, and I don’t envy Dmitri’s position. At first blush, my reaction was “Set the work free!” As a fan, of course I want to read the manuscript. Despite the fact that Nabokov considered his work unfinished, unpolished, and thus unfit for public consumption, I’ve no doubt that it’s perfect in its genius as it came straight from his pen. I admit I haven’t even read all his works, but I can empathize with any Nabokovian who has read all his work and has been all but drooling for just one more morsel dropped from the table. How easy (or possible) is it to for any literati at all to be objective about this situation?

But, Chris (of course!) brought objectivity and level-headedness to the argument, showing me a side of the story I hadn’t considered: why do we (the world—the readers, the viewers, the experiencers, the fans) think we are entitled to the art created by artists? What right do we inherently have to what they produce?

I recently read an article in Slate about Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel in which the headline compared him to J.D. Salinger. Both are artists who have contributed heartbreakingly small collection of brilliant works to the world, and have now all but vanished, having ceased to make their work public or even to make work at all. Writes Taylor Clark about Mangum:

“And if Aeroplane really is Jeff Mangum's final statement to the universe, maybe we should be happy with that—not because of some tired line about going out at your peak (which he likely didn't reach), but because his story is a kind of modern fable. Many fans see his disappearance only in selfish terms: They've been deprived of more great music for no good reason. They can't understand why Mangum would shun success just to shuffle through his days, and, indeed, when musicians abandon this much promise, the culprit is usually drugs or debilitating accidents or people named Yoko. So he must have gone nuts, right? Well, no. After all, what if Mangum is just being honest? What if he poured his life into achieving musical success only to discover that it wasn't going to make him happy, so he elected to make a clean break and move on? We should all be so crazy.”

Is it selfish to desire, even to demand, that artists of genius not withhold themselves from the world? Or is the artist the selfish one?

Like I imagine it is for others, it’s extremely difficult for me to empathize with the artists at all. I live (and participate) in a world where most of us are clambering for attention, recognition, and even fame. I’m a mediocre artist in a world full of mediocre (and lesser) artists screaming in a crowded room of screamers. The internet has made things worse a million-fold. We have the ability to broadcast our thoughts, art, and “art” to billions of people all over the planet—and so we do, largely to our own detriment, contributing to “information overload” and the general watering down of what’s left of our culture.

So when a “real” artist chooses to cease contributing his work to the world, is it because of, or despite, the noise?

Is the world entitled to the art created by the artists it itself created? Or is the artist more entitled to do whatever the hell he wants? Burn the manuscript, or publish it?

Nabokov is dead. His published work will never die. His unpublished work (that we know of, at least) has a death sentence. If it’s pardoned, it will then live in perpetuity, and in possible imperfection, if what Nabokov had to say was true. If the sentence is carried out . . . we’re only left with speculation and disappointment—but some of us will also have the satisfaction that we’d given something back to Nabokov, whose already given so much to us, by granting his final wish.

It Was Bound To Happen...

2008-03-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

Squinty caught in the act of demolishing my still life:

With cats in my apartment, I may have to give up on still lives altogether. Or maybe I just have to draw more often, and more quickly. He did give me a generous three weeks before unleashing his attack.

In the wake of that, I still wanted to draw, but was demoralized about the still life. I worked from a photograph. I'd always been taught not to do that. . . BUT, I took the photograph myself, and edited and cropped it myself--so I was not committing the sin of "copying someone else's composition."

Anyway, here it is. Took about half an hour. 6B charcoal pencil on light pink watercolor paper, 7x10.

Sketches From the Walters Art Museum

2008-02-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

Not scans, just photographs. Too many to scan (and I'm too lazy).

This is the first one I did. I realized quickly that it makes more sense to do quicker drawings than to spend a lot of time and energy doing detailed rendering. In other words, I got tired and frustrated with this one and that's why I didn't finish it. I can definitely spend more time on a drawing if 1) I am sitting, and 2) I'm using a medium I can erase, so I'm not married to all the mistakes I make.

Three attempts at the same head. Man, she was a tough cookie to capture. I will be trying again. This particular statue really evoked a mood, and I am determined to capture it.

This, too, evoked a very strong mood. I really enjoyed trying to render it. It's probably my favorite 3-d piece in the whole place. I'll definitely be working on her again.

I made this guy too efeminate, I think. :)

Last one I did--I was tired at this point.

Gesture in sharpie (pic is sideways).

This is my favorite so far.

A gesture of the same statue.

Detail of her knee, which is really cool-looking.

Sharpie marker.

Gesture in sharpie:

I've been having trouble with proportion, and often make the heads of these statues way too small. I think that will improve with time and practice. I'll also try using pencil, so I can erase.

Gesture in charcoal. I like this one, too.

Gesture in charcoal. A little 8-year-old girl watched me working on this one and came over to admire my work. She expressed frustration that she wasn't that good at drawing, and I gave her some sage advice. Then she sat down next to me and proceeded to draw the same statue with her crayons. :)

Two attempts at the same face. This is another one I want to try again. It's a great little sculpture, only a few inches high--but SO much emotion in the face and posture.

Stuff Your Eyes With Wonder

New Review for TWMD

It's the End of the World As Wayne Knows It

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (8 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (7 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (6 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (5 of 8)

Why I’m Not Giving You a Copy of My Book For Christmas

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (4 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (3 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (2 of 8)

Reasons Not to Not Self Publish: A Rebuttal (1 of 8)

A New Look and a New Outlook

Read an Excerpt from TWMD

Psst...

Q&A

The Pumple Cake Experiment

Recursive Self-Homogenization

Titular Angst

The Revisions Matrix: My Approach to One-Pass Novel Revising

The Tocking Clock

Beta Testing: When's the Right Time to Bring in Outside Readers?

Revisions Begin

Virtual Interview

Under Cover

On Designing a Book Cover

Cover Art

Calm Before the Storm

How Do You Know When Your Book is Ready? Part 2 of 2

When Are You Ready? Part 1 of 2 (or more!)

More on Rejection

Become a Patron

A Glimpse of the Future

Something's Brewing

The Best Year Ever?

Ahh! Bag Monsters!

Real Vodka Sauce

Recipe: Ricotta Custard Dessert

Do the Christmas Wrap

Christmas Presents in Production

Are You Finished Your Holiday Shopping?

The Cold Sting of Rejection

Well, Hello There

Off for a While

I Drew a Bunch of Pictures Last Night

Really? Only a Week?

Work in Progress: Crock and Allie!

Needlefelting 101

The Beautiful Truth

Call Me Hurley

Mixed Blessing at MoMA

From a Hole to a Hill

Progress on the WIP

Single Mother Discharged From Army for Refusing Deployment

...And boy are my arms tired!

How You Like Me Now

SnowMFG

Ask, Tell

Scarlet O'Hare - Altered Art Doll

Old New Short Fiction

Currently Being Stabbed

Keep Regretsy Pure

Stephen Colbert Hates Bears

Nevermore

There Must Be Something in the Water

Feng Sew

Paper Work

Return of the Two-Headed Chick

Stitch 'n' Bitch

Back in Action!

A Brief Commentary on my Previous Tax Post

The MD State Legislature is Screwing Up

To My 26-Year-Old Friends (and those a wee bit older and younger)

I Admit to and Relish in . . .

Death to Stuffed Animals??

On Fashion

Money is the Root of All Great Annoyance

Wild Goose--er, Swan Chase

Art Lessons

*Snap, Snap* Addendum

Snap, Snap Addendum

Snap, snap