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So it’s, like, National Grammar Week, or something. Actually, I think it's just a day (March 4) but some of us want to squeeze as much blood from this stone as possible by letting loose our inner snarky grammar Nazis, guilt-free, for seven days.
This means I may admonish the improperness of all manner of commonly overlooked (even accepted) lingual misfires, while simultaneously retaining the lexical superiority (like moral superiority, but nerdier) and keen sense of ironicalness that affords me the right to use the interjection “like” and unnecessary dependent clause “or something” purposely without shame or regret. I can write overly purple sentences that are 54 words long and perfect in their grammar and punctuation, and look haughty while doing it, even though that sort of thing would make me an asshole during any other week.
Oh English, how I love thee. Let me count the ways in which I am annoyed by hearing you come out of others’ mouths.
For the purposes of this writing, I will stick only to my pet peeves with hard and fast rules—which consist mostly of word confusion. I have my thoughts on the Oxford comma, whether the period goes inside or outside of quotation marks, and just how many commas is too many; but, since those issues can be argued either way with equal validity, I’ll just tell you what you have been doing categorically wrong. Clean up your act, folks. Use words correctly and gain the benefit of looking down your nose at most everyone around you!
The following pairs of words do not mean the same thing and may not be used interchangeably.
This is just a sampling of what I wanted to get off my chest. If I think of more (which I will), I’ll probably just roll my eyes when you aren’t looking rather than correct you to your face (or in a blog). In the meantime, though, check out these two great grammar websites:
http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/index.html - Jack Lynch elegantly lays the hammer down in a way that will make your writing stronger and better. I don't even know him, but I have a total brain-crush on him.
http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/nonerrors.html - This site will confuse everything you think you know about correct grammar, and thus keep you humble.
See how humble I am?
That brings us to about now. Boy I hope it's over.
The down payment on a house. By myself. In the next five years. And I'm not talking about some 3% down payment for an FHA loan. I'm talking about 20%.
It's an almost unbelievable thought for me. I just want everyone who reads this (all four of you) that it can be done, with patience, dedication, and discipline. The rewards--financially, emotionally, spiritually--are great.